


We'll Make This Beautiful (Ram x Kurt)

by orphan_account



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Character Death, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, F/M, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, How Do I Tag, I ain't trying to spoil shit..., Internalized Homophobia, J.D. is a dick, Kurt needs a hug, Love, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Ram Needs A Hug, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:53:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22403695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After being lured into a cemetery at dawn by the one and only Veronica, Ram and Kurt excitedly agreed, only to be shot and killed by the kid in the long trenchcoat people call "J.D." or so they thought... by some miracle Kurt managed to survive and recover. But when he got back to school, he was being constantly shunned and looked down on by the football team... homo? Fag? What are they talking about? And what do they mean by "gay, forbidden love"?So, this is an alternate universe where Heather Chandler is also alive and it will be explained in the story and also the timeline takes place in the early 21st century but Sherwood, Ohio is very strict and homophobic. Also, trigger warning, there is self-harm and people will attempt suicide if you don't like, please don't read.
Relationships: Heather Chandler & Veronica Sawyer, Heather Duke/Heather McNamara, Jason "J. D." Dean/Veronica Sawyer (formerly), Kurt Kelly/Heather McNamara (formerly), Kurt Kelly/Ram Sweeney
Comments: 17
Kudos: 88





	1. Fine, We're Damaged

"On count of three..."

"One..."

"Two...!"

"Three."

**BANG BANG!**

...

"Get off the fence... GET OFF THE DAMN FENCE!"

"I don't understand...!

..

"The dinosaurs will turn to dust..."

"What does that mean?!"

"THEY'LL DIE BECAUSE WE SAY THEY MUST!"

**BANG!**

That was the last thing Kurt heard before the gun went off... a bullet suddenly plunging into Kurt's chest as he falls unconscious... is this it? Is he dead? Is this punishment for the things he's done? He knew he shouldn't have come here... as soon as he got that call from Veronica, he knew something wasn't right... he wanted to tell Ram, but... that cheery face he saw on Ram's face... he couldn't say no... how could anyone say no to that optimistic smile...? He wished he had... maybe he wouldn't have got them into this hectic situation... he could've saved Ram from inevitable danger but he declined it...

...

"I'm sorry, Ram..."

...

"Get his body and take it to Ram, get the note too."

"JD..."

"Now."

"JD, My... hand."

"I said. Now."

Footsteps are heard, what is happening...? Kurt felt something dragging him against the dirt... It felt so painful...! The blood... won't stop coming... out... He then was met with a familiar warmth that Ram always gave him while he was feeling down... Is... he gonna die like this...?

"Heh... those assholes really paid the pri-"

The sounds of sirens were heard in the distance... Kurt could only hear a bit before... he was met with nothing but black...

...

* * *

"Bill Sweeney, I'm sorry. But due to not surpassing the requirements for this year, Ram will not be able to advance to middle school, he'll have to stay in 5th grade until he can improve his grades..."

Kurt was watching from the outside of the office, he saw Ram and his father..... he heard everything... and saw everything too... Ram fighting back tears as desperately as he could and Bill about to yell at the principal but he managed to just barely keep his cool composure... Kurt wanted to come in the office and hug Ram... he was a year younger than him and when that year was ending, Kurt had to accept that Ram had to go to middle school and he'll just have to wait... but to hear this... Kurt didn't really know how to feel, should he feel sad that his best friend had to be held back, he was so excited to go to 6th... and he made so many friends this year... 

or...

...should Kurt feel happy because he can stay and hang out with Ram as much as he pleases...? No... that thought is just... selfish... Ram got held back and the only thing that Kurt could be thinking is spending more time with him...?

Classes end, Kurt walks down the crowded hallway when he feels someone pull his arm into a more secluded hallway, Kurt couldn't recognize who they were because of so many students blocking his sight. Once they got there, Kurt looked up to Ram's face, it looked tinted red and there were hints of dried tears on it.

"Ram? What didya call me here fo-"

Ram nearly bursts into tears and pulls Kurt into a bone-crushing hug. It felt like Kurt was being hugged by a whiny bear.

"I-I'm wanted to go to 6th grade, s-so baaaddd... It isn't faairr...!"

Kurt wanted to feel bad but he was too busy trying to let go from Ram's grip. "Argh...Ram... You're squeezing... me!"

Ram opens his eyes, realizes what he's doing and awkwardly just sets down Kurt. "Sorry man, it's just, why? I thought I was set for 6th... my grades were doing good... so whyyy??"

"You're failing the year? How is that possible?" said Kurt noticing a report card that Ram was gripping onto. "Can I see that?" Kurt asked as Ram looks away in sadness and embarrassment and reluctantly hands over his crumpled report card to Kurt...

Math: D

English: C-

Social Studies: F

Kurt looks at the sheet in shock, the grades on the first marking period were mostly As and Bs then it got worse making the final grade unbearable to even look at...these grades would definitely be bad enough to hold someone back... but why didn't Ram tell him? They talk about everything with each other... but there are secrets that friends have to keep from each other, even if they're friendship is unbreakable. 

Kurt wraps his arms around Ram's shoulders and pulls him in for a hug, the slight difference did make Ram need to lower himself a bit but it still worked. "Don't feel bad, look on the bright si _de_...!" said Kurt. "What do mean by "bright side"?! My ass just got held back!" cried Ram hugging Kurt again but not as rough as before. "Well... for starters, you can... spendmoretimewithme?" Kurt covered his mouth noticing what he just blurted out... Ram stopped crying for a second to look at Kurt who was red in the face realizing what he just said...

"...Uh...sorry... no homo. That just came out wrong..."

Kurt awkwardly cleared his throat trying to rephrase the mess of words he just said. "Well, you could take this time to study a bit more...! Here, come to my house after school if you need help with your grades! There's a reason why I'm called "the smartest guy on the football team"!" Kurt then wrote his address on a piece of paper and handed it to Ram. "Oh. Thanks, dude! You see, this is one of the million reasons why I'm glad to be pals with you." said Ram with the brightest expression Kurt has ever seen from him, it made him blush a little, so c-...

_Wait... what the hell? What. the. hell?_

Did Kurt actually...?

"Well, I'll see you later, you little tomato homo."

"Wait, what the f-?!" 

That was all Kurt can say before Ram runs down the hallway leaving Kurt in severe confusion... Tomato homo? What does that even mean? Kurt pulled out his phone's camera and realizes what Ram was talking about... he was a very bright shade of red. Kurt ran onto the bus just before it left... Kurt was still confused... he never thought of Ram like th-

*THUD!*

Kurt felt something crash against him as he was getting up from the bus' stairs, then he ended up losing his balance and began falling back.

"Whoa... oh shi-"

"Hold on there, I got ya!" screamed a familiar voice as the figure that the voice belonged to pulled Kurt from falling backward out of the bus and the figure's strength managed to pull Kurt close up to them...

That striped shirt... he's seen it before...

He looked up and to his surprise, he saw Ram, in relief that he managed to save Kurt. "Oh thank god, bro. Sorry 'bout that..." said Ram as he pulled Kurt making him land into his chest...

_He felt so... warm..._

It felt like the world around him stopped... He looked up to see Ram's overly optimistic smile... it made him feels so...

_Wait... not this again..._

"Oh, look. A couple of gays are in front of the bus. Isn't that cute?" said a girl in green with a very bratty tone, the students called her Heather Duke, they worshiped her and treated her like royalty. Ram looked at her in disgust and let go of Kurt. "I'm just helping him up, what's wrong with that?" said Ram in an annoyed tone. "Seriously, you two are actually gonna make me barf," said Duke as people around her laugh at Ram and Kurt.

Kurt wanted to sink into the floor... God... this was so embarrassing... Ram then said smugly, "Not if the bulimia gets you first.". Ram walks away with Kurt in tow. Kurt turns around and sees Duke with her mouth agape in shock, it's not every day when someone talks back to her. The bus ride was awkward, Kurt was trying to form words to at least make conversation until Ram broke the silence.

"Hey... you wanna hang out tonight? It's been a while... I never get to see you during school and we never have time to hang out...so... what is it gonna be?" said Ram as he held out his fist. "Yeah, man. Sure," said Kurt bringing his own out. "Alright, man! Punch it in!" shouted Ram as they do their classic fist bump.

"Yo, Kurt... can I tell you something...?" said Ram turning to Kurt still displaying that happy smile... "Yeah, what is it?" Ram's smile then faded, and his stare suddenly looked blank and lifeless...

"Uh... Ra-"

"Wake up."

* * *

Kurt gasped and jolted up, breathing heavily. "Oh no! Don't overdo yourself! Surgery's just finished not too long ago!" screamed a man in a green mask and scrubs holding onto Kurt's arm trying to calm him down...

  
_Surgery...?_

Kurt looked around in confusion to see that he's on a hospital bed, the sun was shining a bright light through the window blinding Kurt's vision for a bit... Why is he here...? Suddenly... he remembered what happened last night... He looked down at his chest to see bandages covering stains of dry blood. A nurse walked up to Kurt with a very concerned look... "Mr. Kelly, I would like to recommend you to visit a psychiatrist...". "Huh...? Why?" Kurt said with a confused look. "When we found you, you were wearing a long-sleeved shirt, when we rolled them up, we found cuts on your left upper arm, answer me this... have you been cutting yourself recently...?" the nurse said still concerned. Kurt realized what she was talking about and looked away...

It was true... he suddenly remembered something...

It was his mother and him, it was when he was 16 before junior year was about to start, Kurt and his mother was walking to her car after a day of bonding, suddenly, while they were talking Kurt walked ahead of her and out of nowhere, a truck drove down the road at full speed heading straight towards Kurt. "Hon, watch out!" screamed Kurt's mother as she pushed with all of her strength and managed to get Kurt out of the truck's path, however, that didn't save her. "Mom, n-!" screamed Kurt reaching out to his mother trying to pull her away, sadly, the truck was faster... Kurt watched helplessly in horror as the truck crushed his mother and spun out of control crashing into other cars. "Mom!" cried Kurt running to the trampled corpse that once used to be known as his mother. "Mom, no! Please don't leave me...! I don't want to lose you... no!" Kurt was crying uncontrollably as the ambulance pulls up comforting Kurt and bringing his mother to the hospital in hopes of saving her...

"Mr. Kelly, I'm sorry... but your wife is beyond saving. You have my condolences..." said the doctor. "N-no... this can't be..." Paul was holding back tears and Kurt pulled him into a hug, crying uncontrollably... a month later, and Paul found a pocket knife with blood on it, he put two and two together and stormed to Kurt's room and forcefully pulled up Kurt's sleeves, Kurt kicking him trying to let him go. Paul found cuts all over his left arm, they were bleeding, some of the cuts were deeper than the others... "Kurt Kelly, what the hell is this?!" screamed Paul pulling Kurt by the collar in anger. "G-get away from me!" yelled Kurt as he punched Paul and ran out of his room, Paul eventually caught up to him, they talked and Kurt eventually calmed down, Kurt was later diagnosed with clinical depression and PTSD, he was prescribed antidepressants that Kurt had to take in secret while no one was watching... if anyone were to see him in a crying fit... they would laugh at him and call him a pussy but there were times where he just couldn't take it, he had tendencies to run to the boy's bathroom and just... cry. Ram knew about this... this made Kurt feel worse... why would he want to throw a problem like that to him? He doesn't deserve to be put in that situation... Kurt always had to keep his "asshole" mask on to try to at least to be normal... little did he know that his mask was breaking bit by bit.  
  


Kurt sighs and looks away, "I understand, ma'am...". The nurse nods and continues talking, "You know, it's strange. Despite committing suicide with your *ahem* supposed lover... he showed no signs of self-harm, he wasn't even wearing a shirt. If he manages to be alright, I'll have to recommend him for a psychiatrist too... " Kurt jerks his head at the nurse in confusion, "Eh? "supposed lover"?". The nurse grabs a crumpled piece of paper right next to the bed and handed it to Kurt. He looked at the note and was shocked to see it was a suicide note... and it was in his handwriting...

**"Ram and I died the day we realized we could never reveal our gay, forbidden love to a misunderstanding world... The joy we both shared was greater than any touchdown we scored. However, we were forced to act like sexist, homophobic, alcoholic assholes... Hopefully, we'll be able to show our true faces in the afterlife. Goodbye."**

...

Gay, forbidden love?

  
_Gay. Forbidden. Love?_

Did Kurt really write this? He would never write a suicide note... let alone, write one that said he was gay for Ram... Was this forged?

"Ma'am... I think this note was forged... I wouldn't write something like this..." Kurt said setting it aside. The nurse sighs and grabs some pillows. "Everything else says otherwise... I'm sorry but I really can't believe you.". Kurt was about to object until the doors in the room barge open. Doctors and nurses rushing a patient and setting him next to Kurt. Lifting his body a bit, ignoring the slight pain the bandaged wound near his heart was giving, Kurt saw the patient's face to reveal that it was... Ram... There was a shot to his neck... tubes were being attached to him... It hurt to see Ram like that... it was worse than the pain eradicating from his chest. It was like... seeing his mother... when she was admitted, she looked exactly like that...

Kurt hated it... he started tearing up at the sight... Ram and Kurt did a lot of bad things... shoplifting, breaking into Ram's parents' liquor cabinet, sexual harassment, shaming others... they weren't saints, but for something like this to happen to him was so unjust... it was unfair... the nurse walked up to Kurt holding a pillow and a pillow behind his head... "Kurt, you will be required to stay in this bed until you'll be fit enough for discharge... is that okay?" said the nurse. Kurt didn't say anything and just nodded, the nurse made a weak grin and headed out of the room. Kurt didn't feel like sleeping, however... he looked over at Ram's still unconscious body... he choked up a sob and looked away from him... it was unbearable to see Ram's face... he didn't notice that he was crying. "Ram... please be alright... I don't want to lose you... I can't lose you... please don't do this to me... please... fuck...". Kurt was muttering pleas for Ram's life until he started to begin falling asleep, his tears running dry and his pleas turning faint...

...

* * *

Kurt looked up to see he was at Heather Chandler's Christmas party... "Thank you, everyone, for coming to my freshman party. Enjoy yourself cuz this party is going to be one you'll never forget," yelled Heather Chandler standing up from the table. Two other people headed over to sit right next to her, those people were no other than Heather McNamara and Heather Duke. It was freshman year... Kurt was 14. "Kurt, bro! Over here!" shouted a figure waving from the other side of the party. Kurt ran up to it to reveal of course... Ram. "Hey, man! Punch it in!" said Kurt as they did their classic fistbump. Kurt and Ram then ran to the couch and began talking, trying pick up lines on any girl who dared to sit down right next to them... most of them... of course either stood up and left or yelled at them... half an hour in the party... they suddenly became silent... the music and other people talking making it more awkward... Ram decided to break the silence. "So, ignoring the party for a bit, you gonna make a move on Heather?" said Ram elbowing Kurt and pointing to... Heather McNamara. She was drinking some punch talking to Heather Duke... Heather Duke looked at her, confused. Kurt could've sworn he heard McNamara loudly say, "ASS!"... she did look sorta loopy... and she looked like she was about to fall on the table. "Here, I'll help you out."... "Wait, Ra-" that was all Kurt could muster before Ram practically dashed to the buffet table, Kurt couldn't hear what Ram and Heather were talking about but then all of a sudden...

Ram grabbed the punch bowl and started chugging it down... Heather Chandler walked up to Heather McNamara and her eyes widen, she suddenly yelled. "EVERYONE! THE PUNCH IS SPIKED! DO NOT DRINK THE-AHH!!" she looks over at Ram and screams. Ram apparently heard her warning and spat the punch at some other freshmen... making them scream and scatter. "Agh. God! Mac, you bitc-haaa..." screamed Ram as he began to slump over, looking almost the same as Heather Mac. His face began turning into a shade of pink and he started giggling like a child...

_Oh no..._

_Oh god no..._

Heather Mac and Ram were both drunk. Heather Duke went under Heather Mcnamara's arm and tried to keep her up for support, Heather Chandler doing the same to Mac's other arm, her blonde hair covering Chandler's face. On the other hand, Ram suddenly disappeared from Kurt's view. "What the... where did he g- AHH!" muttered Kurt until someone grabs his arm causing Kurt to scream, Kurt looked up to see none other than Ram Sweeney... he was smirking and chuckling with a very wacky expression. "Come with me, Kurt-syyy," said Ram slurring his words. "Ram, are you ok- whoaa!" Ram then pulled Kurt up the stairs and lead them into a bedroom... seeing an awful lot of white, red, and pink, Kurt could only assume the room belonged to Heather, of course... Kurt didn't really care about as he was pushed onto the soft bed with Ram pinning him down. "Ram. What the hell are yo- mmph!" Kurt was only able to muster any more words until Ram pressed his lips onto Kurt's... Kurt never kissed anyone before really... kissing girls' necks sure... but he never full-on went for the mouth... Kurt tried to resist but Ram's warm self was still pressing him down on the bed... he felt something warm slither down his mouth... it felt... like a tongue, time felt as it stopped for a bit... To have the first kiss to a guy... Kurt was usually asked that question and would always respond with, "I would punch that fag in the face!" but... Ram... was a different story... he was his best friend, but for him to do something like this... Kurt wanted to fight back...

_But it felt so... amazing...!_

In reality, Kurt just wanted to savor at this moment... He closed his eyes and let Ram take over...

He separated his lips from Ram's and slowly opened his eyes to show... Ram...

He was dead... he was bleeding... There was blood from flowing from his neck...

The comfy bed he was once on was nothing but cold and rocky dirt.

Kurt wanted to scream... but he couldn't speak... he couldn't move... his chest hurts...

_It hurts so fucking bad...!_

Then... he walked up... A boy in a trenchcoat... people called him J.D. he always sat alone, Ram and Kurt decided to pick on him to only get their asses handed to them... He looked different, however...

He was smiling... A very psychopathic smile, his eyes looked lifeless...

He pulled out what seemed to look like a gun and lowered it to Kurt's forehead.

"Wake up, Kurt."...

The only thing Kurt heard was a loud gunshot before he blacked out...

He was then met with nothing but darkness...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprised? Yeah, I like Heathers and I like the pairing. I don't know how many chapters this story will have but... it will surely be a lot... And this also helps a bit with writer's block with my other story. I will also add songs from the musical but with the words being changed a lot but it will still fit. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed! ZuruDude signing out! Chao!


	2. Keep It Together...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kurt gets discharged from the hospital! And... he has some thoughts and does some things that aren't the most mentally healthy. TW: Self-harm!

...

...

"aaaaaaAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

"Mr. Kelly! Calm down!"

"Huh?!"

Kurt jolted up from the bed and looked around to see he was still in the same room he was in with Ram a month ago, the nurse was right next to him holding his hand trying to keep him from freaking out...

That dream... it felt more like a nightmare...

"Kurt Kelly? Are you doing alright? How are you feeling?" the nurse said calmly. Kurt looked down to see there was a fleshy-like scar on his chest but it was very faint and the cuts on his arm were completely gone with a few ugly scars on them... "Uh... um, I'm alright. How's Ram?" said Kurt afraid to even take a glance at Ram's hospital bed. "Well, good news... today, you'll be discharged from the hospital... your father is waiting for you in the waiting room... However, your friend's chances of survival aren't very high...". Kurt's eyes widened and he swiftly stood up from the hospital bed, ignoring the slight pain the very swift movement gave to his chest and limped over to Ram's hospital bed... "Mr. Kelly, I don't recommend you do that..." Kurt ignored her and looked down. The tubes that were previously connected to him were no longer there. The flesh wound on his neck looked healed, but it was still there... Ram was breathing but it was very faint and his face was as pale as snow. Kurt held back crying at the sight.

Ram was important to him... if he were to die... Kurt wouldn't know what to do... Kurt slumped down on the bed, right next to Ram... This couldn't be happening, right? The person he's known for all of his life is going to die...? Kurt was always asked by people, "What would you do if your best friend died?". He always brushed it off and said, "Nah, I wouldn't let something like that happen to him. I got his back and he's got mine!" Kurt started to tear up... he was going to lose him.

Fuck...

**You did this to him.**

_What...?_

"Mr. Kelly, it's time for you to leave."

...

"I understand." Kurt proceeded to grab the stuff that his father gave him during his stay at the hospital, it was mostly "Get better soon!" cards, his clothes, and shit like that...

Then there was one thing that was sitting on top of the bag, it was a football... it was signed by the football player he loved since he was in middle school, Ram wanted it too but Kurt was just always greedy and usually kept it to himself, it was also the reason why they fought so many times back then... He took the football and set it right aside Ram... "Enjoy, bro. Get better..."

Kurt dressed up in a white long-sleeved top and blue shorts. The nurse helped to get him downstairs. Just as he was about to leave, Kurt glanced back to see Ram lying peacefully on the hospital bed with the football by his side... Kurt gave a weak grin before leaving the room... He walked away from the room... away from Ram...

**Just like when you left him when he got shot.**

_No..._ Kurt headed down to the waiting room to see a man run up and wrap him in a tight hug. "Bud! You're okay!". "Argh, dude! I'm still recovering, you know!" Kurt yelled, gasping for air. "Oh! Sorry, man." Paul said letting go of Kurt. "Hey, where's your friend?" Paul looking beside Kurt searching for the linebacker to sadly find nothing. "He... may not make it out..." muttered Kurt looking down and swallowed. "Huh...? Why not?" Paul questioned... only not to get a reply at all... "Kurt, tell me! What happene-" Kurt walked right by him and headed to Paul's car not saying a word...

The ride home was very silent, the only thing Kurt heard was the sound of humming the car was emitting driving down the trafficless road.

Kurt began thinking of Ram, is he going to alright...? What if he doesn't come out alive...? 

_If he dies... is it going to be my fault?_

_No... stop thinking about it..._ Kurt kept saying to himself... but he couldn't help it, Ram couldn't be dead... could he?!

*DING!*

Something vibrated in Kurt's pocket, he pulled it out to see his phone... he hasn't seen it since...

_No... don't... stop it, stop it now._

... Kurt opened his phone to see hundreds of messages. He opened them to see...

8 new messages from -💛💛Heather McNamara💛💛-

Heather McNamara: Where are you?! (1 month ago)

Heather McNamara: Remember, we were supposed to hang out tonight! (1 month ago)

...

Kurt opened the messages to see more texts, asking where Kurt was, why is he ignoring her...

The last 2 texts, however, really caught his eye, they were sent yesterday...

Heather McNamara: Hey... I just wanted to let you know that, I read your note... you know the one that said you were gay for Ram?

_Dammit... she knows about it too?!_

Heather McNamara: Anyways, I'm sorry I held you back from your secret... I hope both of you make it out... and if you don't... I hope both of you will enjoy the afterlife... However, if you do make it out, I can't be with you... our feelings aren't even mutual at all so what's the point? I hope we can be great friends though! Text me back if you see this... love you. 💛 (1 day ago)

...

_..._

_Fuck..._

Before the senior year began, he and Heather McNamara started dating, they always hung out with each other, played some video games, they even slept with each other... now she's saying she wants to break up because of that note...? Second to Ram, she always helped Kurt with his problems, she was like a person who he could tell his problems to... 

2 new messages from -💚Heather Dickhole💚-

Heather Duke: yo u left ur stuff at Heather's house (1 month ago)

Heather Duke: lol, ur gay for linebackers dick? have fun with ur dead gay blowjobs. (6 days ago)

  
Kurt cringed at Heather Duke's rude text.

_I guess she read the note, too..._

Kurt then remembered... he'll have to go back to school... fuck... how will his team react to this note? More importantly, the whole school? Even though the year is 20XX... Sherwood, Ohio was very strict and had a lot of problems with situations like these, their schools were no exception... something like this happens then BOOM! Your whole reputation drops down to hell and it will be impossible to get it up.

Kurt kept scrolling in his messages and saw one conversation, it was one with Heather Chandler...

Kurt shuddered to see that name, who wouldn't. People loved and feared her, she was worshipped like a god at Westerburg. If she loved one thing, people would follow. If she hated something, people would despise it as much as she would. Recently, Heather Chandler was thought to be confirmed dead when people had said she choked to death on a cup of drain cleaner. Or that's what people thought. She woke up during the police investigation and then later she was thrown into a mental hospital because her parents feared that Heather would do something like this again. She had to remain in there for the same week Ram and Kurt were hospitalized. When she was discharged, she was almost an entirely different person, she would still be in her regular dress-up but she was slightly timid to talk to anyone, people were still afraid to talk to her because unlike Ram and Kurt, her reputation remained untouched, people even made rumors that she was smarter than they thought for the word "myriad" in her suicide letter, people like Betty or Martha would say that she was only cashing in on good and complicated words from her failed English test before the suicide.

There was one new message from her.

Kurt pulled up the conversation to show-

"Kurt. Hey."

"Huh? Wha-?!"

Kurt looked up in surprise to see his father's eyes looking at the mirror directing towards him, his stare filled with frustration... "I'll need to talk to you when we get back home...". It's strange... Kurt barely ever sees his dad see that... upset... he's always laidback and barely ever uses any sort of negative emotion. Like. Ever...

Kurt nervously tried to say something but was only able to say, "Okay.". Paul nodded and continued driving.

  
Finally, the two returned to the house. When Kurt opened the door, the home changed quite a bit. Some couches and tables were moved, there were also empty pizza boxes and half-eaten granola bars piling the trash, and the kitchen was emitting an awful smell... like someone went in and died in there... Kurt felt a tap and his shoulder and turned around to see Paul gesturing to the couch... however...

"You invited him?!"

Kurt pointed at the man sitting down on the couch, ready to head up to his room and hide from the world. He was sitting down looking away from the two. "He's important, remember, his son is still in the hospital," _Shit..._ Paul put two and two together and managed to immediately figure out Ram's condition... Paul always managed to figure out what was always given to him and usually knew the answer to it, making him very clever and sly. He proceeded to keep talking, "we don't even know if he might get out... Also... I saw the note, you know, the one that said you and Ram had "gay, forbidden love?".

_Dammit! He knows about that too?!_

"You know, I'm not upset. I'm disappointed. Something like this is making us the laughing stock of all of Sherwood! And Ram is even in a worse situation. If he doesn't make it out, the town will deem you as a murderer and if he lives, he and his father will be-"

"You wait just one minute there, Paul!"

Bill suddenly stood up from the couch making Paul flinch in surprise.

"It's not their fault, that they're gay! Words like yours are the reason they cannot live in this world! They were just two lonely verses in God's song!"

"Our boys are pansies, Bill! You know, faggots!"

Kurt looked away from the two for a bit in shame... that note made Paul think of his own son like this...?

"Yes! I don't care! Kurt and Ram were homosexuals and that don't scare me none! That should apply the same for you too!

Bill then walked up to Paul and started to place his hands on Paul's shoulders and began to pin him against the wall. That caught Kurt's attention and he stared at Bill in surprise.

_What the hell is he doing?!_

"After all, remember what we did that year...? You know... that fishing trip we did?"

"..."

"Eh-he... That was one hell of a good time..."

Kurt looked in confusion and suddenly, he saw the most repulsive that ever saw in his life...

Bill and Paul... making out right in front of his face.

_Nope. Nope. Fuck this._

Kurt managed to grab the note without Paul noticing who was still distracted on Bill and ran upstairs without being caught.

Kurt swiftly dashed up to his room, shut the door and locked it up. He turned around to the room he wasn't in for the past month... not much was changed about the room... it looked the same ever since...

_No. Forget about it now._

He sat down and turned on the tv. It showed the same tv show that was showing the night Ram and Kurt-

_No. No. No! Stop it! Why can't I stop?!_

Kurt held his head in panic... why couldn't he stop thinking about that night?! He wanted... no... needed to think about something else... he tried to do some many things to try to take his mind off.

Playing video games...

**You never played alone, you know...**

Drawing...

**You always asked him for advice.**

Searching on his phone...

**You always went on his page just to check on him.**

But... nothing could take his mind off! All Kurt could think about was him... the boy who has always been with him all of his life...

"Goddammit! Why?! Why can't he just leave my mind for one second?!" Kurt collapsed on the side of his bed, covering his face in his hands. It couldn't be helped... Kurt picked up his phone and looked through the gallery. He managed to save photos his parents gave him when he was younger...

First grade, Ram and Kurt had their first playdate. It ended in them getting soaked in mud and dirt... their parents were so mad when they saw their faces.

Third grade, they learned about football and eventually began loving it. They would play it almost every single day after school.

Seventh grade, Kurt managed to make the team as a quarterback and he also convinced Ram to join as a linebacker... After that, they became an inseparable duo that the school knows and loves.

Ninth grade, freshman year felt like it took forever, the picture was them sitting on a bench in front of the school, they had to huddle up close so they could fit in the picture.

Twelfth grade, senior year. It was a picture of Ram taking a selfie from Kurt's phone. He was holding Kurt in a tight hug while Kurt was looking away from the camera. Kurt remembered that day like it was yesterday, it was a year and a few after his mother passed away in that unfortunate incident and Kurt wasn't at all the same that day. They had a game for that day and lost due to him not focusing on the game at all. A lot of the team members blamed him for that reason, and they weren't wrong. Ram comforted him and then pulled him into an embrace. He was warm and cuddly, Kurt just wanted to be there forev-

_W-wait... what? What am I thinking?!_

Ever since this "suicide" happened, Kurt has been thinking about Ram a lot more often... but he has been thinking about times where Ram always got too close and personal. He never minded it back then but now it felt like a huge deal... 

He wanted to live those moments with Ram again but now he doesn't even know if that'll even be possible anymore, Ram's in the hospital and no one even knows if he'll live or not... he might die.

**Because of you.**

_What...?_

**You did this to him. You could've stopped him. You knew something was wrong.**

**You let it happened.**

_No..._

**He's going to die. Just like your mother.**

_Nonono... stop! Stop!_

**It's your fault. All of this is *your* fault, you failed them.**

**Your mother.**

**And now your best friend since diapers.**

_Stopstopstopstop-_

**Stop ignoring the truth.**

**You're. Pathetic.**

"AARRGHH!!!"

Kurt cried out to the darkness of his room in agony. He didn't notice, the whole room was dark. He didn't care. He hunched over, his head hurt like hell. He choked up a sob, desperately trying not to cry at all... He didn't want to ruin his image. The image that everyone looked up to and feared... crying like a pussy? But... he couldn't help it. Tears began flowing from his eyes, soaking the cotton fabric below him, he was sobbing and hiccupping uncontrollably, the room now echoing of his wails and sobs. He can't deny it anymore, if Ram dies it'll be all his fault.

_It's my fault._

Kurt started seeing red... suddenly, his arms began emitting an excruciating pain and he could feel something wet and damp run down them. A metallic scent was hanging was in the air and he could hear the sound of liquid hitting what could he only assume is his bed, it hurt so bad... Kurt wanted to throw up when he came to... he saw crimson red staining the football patterned sheets... it was blood. *His* blood. Frightened, Kurt looked at his left arm...

There was nothing but marks... scabby blood-red marks. 1 mark...2 marks... 3... 4... 10..., they stung horribly... overlapping the ugly scars over it, he glanced down to his wrist, ignoring the concernedly large trail of crimson trickling down it. There was a razor-sharp pocket knife... it was covered in even more blood... "Fuck...no... why?". Kurt swore never to do this again... why now?! Standing up from the beds, Kurt walked to the bathroom, folding his arms to cover the gashes on his arm, without much luck. He turned on the lights to see him, in a miserable state. Reddened face and bloodshot eyes. His left arm looked like it had been through hell and back. Using his right arm, Kurt searched through the wooden cabinets to find a bottle of antiseptic, cotton pads, and bandage wrap. In one swift movement, he took them all out, applied the solution to one lone pad and smeared it on his arm.

_It hurts... It hurts so much!_

Kurt bit his lip and sucked in the air, trying to resist the unbearable stinging his arm was leaking out, along with red trails of blood that was now getting less and less.

He wrapped the bandages around his arm, the sight of the cuts made him gag, it made him want to throw up so much... He splashed some water on his face and looked at his hand again seeing the knife that made him feel pain yet relief at the same time... _I need to get rid of this thing..._ But as much as he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to throw the knife into the trash, it was unhealthy, it brought pain, but it was something that helped him bring out his pain, he made so many stupid decisions, he led his mother into an untimely demise, he abandoned his friend when he needed him the most... why did he have to be like this?!

_Why do I have to be such a fucking mess?!_

He dropped the knife in the cabinet where he found the bandages and walked back to his room. He glanced at the now blood-stained bedsheets, they had a pattern of footballs and helmets. He remembered he got it on his 16th birthday, it might've not seemed like much, but he absolutely loved it, it loved sleeping on it. Ignoring that, he laid down on the bed, the bed felt so comfortable, he just wanted to be there forever, he began to drift to sleep...

*DING!*

The sudden ding startled Kurt making him jolt up in surprise. It was his phone, Kurt grabbed it and saw one new notification.

1 new message from -💖Heather Chandler💖-

Oh right, Heather texted him earlier. It was sort of strange, however. She never texted him often. Only when she needed something from him.

He opened the conversation.

Heather Chandler: Hey, I need to talk to you, I heard you came out of the hospital. (5 hours ago)

Heather Chandler: Please talk to me, it's urgent. (just now)

Kurt sighed and opened the text box.

Kurt: Hey. What's up?

Not long after, Heather responded.

Heather Chandler: Oh thank god, I knew you'd answer. Are you doing alright?

Kurt: I'm doing fine, but why are you asking?

Heather Chandler: Listen, I need to meet up with you tomorrow, meet me at the 7-11 near the school at 9, we have to talk about something.

Kurt: Talk about what? Heather, just tell me now.

Heather Chandler: Just be there, and don't keep me waiting.

...

...

💖Heather Chandler💖 is offline.

...

...

That was strange. 7-11? Of all places? Kurt only goes there to buy energy drinks and that was it. Nevermind that, he began tucking himself in, the echoes of his sobs were faint and so was his breathing as he slowly drifted off into sleep.

* * *

...

...

May 31st... 20XX, sophomore year, today is Kurt's 16th birthday. His parents were away from the house and he had the whole place to himself. He knew exactly what to do.

-Best Ho Bro 🏈-

Kurt: bro get the football team here we gonna party our asses off!!!

Ram: did you manage to score one of the Heathers' numbers they GOTTA be here!

Kurt: u bet your sweet ass I did!

Ram: hell yea man! you the best! we gonna get so much pussy! I got into my parents' wine cellar. lets get wasted!

Kurt: fuck yes! punch it in!

...

...

Best Ho Bro 🏈 is offline.

...

He got to throw an amazing party and he could possibly score a girl?! This might be the best birthday party he'll ever have!

...

...

This might have to be the most boring party he had EVER had. Sure he got smashed and scored some girls but... it felt like something was missing. He then felt someone tap his shoulder to see Ram, unlike Kurt, it didn't seem like he drank much. In fact, he might've been one of the few who didn't drink anything at all... "Yo, meet me in your room, I have something to give you." Still, in a drunken haze, Kurt complied and limped over to his bedroom, Ram helping him not fall over. Once they got into the room, Ram sat Kurt down. "Heey, broo. Why are we in my roooom...?" Kurt spoke slowly and in a very loopy tone. Ram sighed and handed him a small wrapped box with a sparkly little bow on it. Right! What was missing was birthday gifts... Kurt never got a single present since the party started... nevermind that, the gift gave off an inviting aura. Ram always knew what Kurt loved and hated, so he always knew what kind of things to give him, it was scary in a way but Kurt didn't mind it at all...

In one swift move, Kurt sat down on the bed and tore off the wrapping paper and box to reveal a cozy football-patterned blanket... Kurt gave Ram a lopsided smile as Ram chuckled. "Heh. Wanna use that blanket now? You look like you're ready to pass out at any minute..." Ram gave Kurt a bright smile, a smile that always brightens any day Kurt goes through... "Well... if you want, you can catch some z's, I'm going to head back downstairs for a drink if you wanna join, nothing's stopping you!". Ram held out his hand to Kurt and helped him up from the bed and led him downstairs...

...

...

...

"Eh...?!" Kurt suddenly awoke to find himself back in his room, sleeping on his side. His head ached... _ah... A hangover. Typical._ He felt something warm against him... he looked down to see he was using the blanket Ram gave him, it made him smile a bit but... that's not where the strange warmth was coming from... also... the bed reeked of cologne... funny... he never used cologne like this before... but the scent was so familiar... Kurt lowered the blanket a bit to see...

An arm draped across his waist. "What the hell...?" Kurt whispered. That arm isn't his... the arm was clothed by a long-sleeved black and white striped cloth Kurt turned around to see who the arm belonged to...

Kurt wanted to scream so badly. But it was the middle of the night, and hearing the noise downstairs, the party wasn't over yet. The arm belonged to none other than Ram Sweeney, up close and spooning Kurt. Kurt's face turned red as a tomato. _This is normal, right?! I mean, he's my best bro! There's nothing wrong about this, right?_ Kurt was panicking, trying to justify why Ram would do something like this.

Suddenly, the door creaked open and Kurt was suddenly met with a bright flash of light. When the light subsided, a girl in green was looking at him, with a shit-eating grin, holding a phone... "Aw... looks like the football stars of the school are now some gay fags, huh?". "Wait, what?! Heather! No! It's not what it looks like!" whispered Kurt trying his best not to wake up Ram. Heather Duke didn't care though, "Well... if you can do something for me, I'll delete these photos, otherwise, these photos will spread around the school and your reputation will be more shattered than a mirror when it sees people like Dumptruck." _Blackmail?! Is she serious?!_ "Ngh. Fine! What do you want?!". Kurt was now whispering loudly, luckily, by some miracle, Ram hasn't even budged at all... "I would like you to-"

"Move out of the way! Kurt, come with me!"

A bright red figure pushes Duke out of the doorway and somehow managed to pull Kurt away from Ram's strong grasp grabbing him by his shirt.

"But, Heat-"

"Shut up, Heather!"

Duke was immediately interrupted by the person in red as they pulled Kurt straight into the bathroom and pinned him against the shower walls. Kurt's haze faded to see... "Heather? Whatcha' doing?" Kurt chuckled nervously. Heather Chandler, she didn't look like she drank one bit during the party... unlike everyone else who attended. Heather was holding tightly onto Kurt's shirt. Damn. Heather Chandler was surprisingly... strong... "Tell me now," she said with a very firm voice. "T-tell you w-what?" Kurt stuttered, his strong and tough expression now long gone. "You're hiding something, aren't you?" her grip on his shirt was so powerful, that she could tear it in pieces in one move. "W-what do you mean...?" Kurt was still struggling to say his words. "Admit it."

"You have feelings for defensive linebacker over there, don't ya?"

"What the hell?! What do you take me for?! A fag?!" Kurt managed to get rid of the annoying stutter and tried to recover what was left of his jocky style but failing horribly. "If you huddle up closer to Ram on the bed than you do on the football field then yes, you are a fag." If looks could kill, Kurt would be long gone, she was staring daggers straight at him. "Pfft. Whatever. Why are you asking me this shit, anyway?". Kurt then felt a hand slither down his pockets and take out something. Kurt looked up and saw Heather Chandler holding his cell. "Passcode. Now.". "Heather, I-"

"Now."

Her stare was more deadly than ever. Kurt yelped at her sudden interruption as he put his passcode into the phone giving Heather access to all his photos, Heather, however, didn't care. She scrolled through all the photos and then found one with her in it. She was hitting on a girl with short hair and timidly grasping onto a diary like her life depended on it. "If you even think about posting this picture online, I'll post the photos of you up and close with Ram over there... and your football team won't take it so well, will they?". She was right... if the football team sees something like this, he'll be kicked off with Ram in an instant... Kurt knew the football since middle school, and he knows that they are the last people you would want to come out to. "I need you to delete this picture, understood?". "Y-yes, ma'am..." Kurt nodded as Heather finally released her death-grip on his shirt, The grasp was so strong that Kurt can see small tears in the fabric. "Good. Now head back to the party. You seem fit for another round of shots, no?" As much as he wanted to say "Hell yes!", Kurt had to refuse, the powerful smell of weed from downstairs was vomiting-inducing, Kurt looked like he was going to barf or faint... or do both..." Kurt pushed Heather out of the way and hazily walked back to his room. His headache felt worse... all he wanted to was to just sleep. Kurt saw Ram sleeping all tucked in, he didn't even care to wake him up. Kurt slumped down onto the bed, lying the new blanket he got from the one sleeping right next to him. Ram...

_He looks so peaceful... so..._

Kurt got closer to Ram's larger figure, now in his arms. He was close to Ram, being cradled by him.

_He's so... warm... so comfy..._

It felt like heaven on wheels... Kurt didn't care what people would think of this... he just wanted to be there forever. He wanted...

He wanted...

...

...

...

* * *

"Gah!" Kurt yelped as he fell out of the bed, landing on back. "Argh-! Fuck!". Kurt tiredly stood up and looked at the time... 8 A.M... School had just started hours ago. Not like it mattered. He wasn't supposed to attend for another week, anyway. Then he remembered that he needed to meet up with Heather at 7-11 soon. But there was also something on his mind he couldn't stop thinking about. Kurt walked to his closet and opened it, there was a strange scent leaking out from one of the clothes... He searched through his wardrobe and pulled the suspicious-smelling object out... It was a leathery varsity jacket... when Kurt turned the jacket over onto it's back, it didn't say his name... instead, it said something else, something that made Kurt freeze in surprise.

"Sweeney... 17."

Oh no. This jacket... it belonged to Ram. Kurt then remembered that Ram stayed over at his house the day they were... shot... Kurt sighed and tossed it back in his closet, then... before hitting the closet walls, a lone small yellow note flew out of it, folded and now lying on the carpet. _A note? Who from...?_ Overtaken by curiosity, Kurt picked the note and unfolded it... strange... if Ram ever got notes like this, he would always tell them with Kurt and they would laugh at what random shit was usually written on it. Like "be my boyfriend!" letters or "spread this note around or you will die!" curse letter chains. He read the contents of it and froze in shock.

"I love you. I always had..."

"From, Kurt Kelly."

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand that about does it for this chapter! I hope you guys enjoyed! I'm still deciding how many chapters to make for this story... But hopefully, I can make at least one or two chapters every half a month. Anyways, Chao!
> 
> Alternate titles: Kurt really needs a hug, "Fuck me gently with a "Chansaw!"


	3. [1] Prom or Hell?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [1] -Prom or Hell?-
> 
> Singers: Kurt Kelly

[Kurt, spoken]

Well... isn't this something...

[Kurt]

I'm going steady. Mostly it's unfair.

It just shakes me to the core.

He tried to bump off.

All my friends and I.

God, please forgive me once more...

We're only seventeen...

Stuck in a hellish dance...

We'll try to turn out good.

Just give us one more chance.


	4. Get Lost in the Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt meets up with Heather Chandler at 7-11. Also, you should guess the special guest who would always linger there.

...

"7-11 again? Come on, man."

"Aw dude, we have a game soon. We need the energy real bad. You haven't been acting yourself lately..."

"Yeah... but I just really want to stay home."

"Look, I know it's been a while since your mother... passed. But it's not your fault, stop beating yourself up about it."

"*sighs* But it is... if I wasn't so stup-"

"Kurtis Kelly! What the fuck did I just say, dude?! Come on, my guy."

"Ugh... Sorry. Just take me home..."

"..."

"Ram?"

"Come here."

"Wait, whaaa-!"

"I fuckin' hate seeing you like this... maybe I'll just squeeze the sadness out of your bod!"

"..."

"Kurt? Something wrong?"

"(... _You're... so warm._.....) Oh... it's nothing."

"You know what? Here. Ya' want something from the store? It can be anything, I'll cover the bill."

"Ram, you always pay for me. Why don't I just do it instead?"

"Nah, you damn as well need this right now, let me do this for you, kay?"

"Alright... if you say so..."

"So whaddya want...? Chips? Hot dog? Slushie?"

"Uh... maybe a slushie, I never really tried them before... maybe today can be the day."

"Okay then... uh... Kurt?"

"Yeah...?"

"Can you loosen your grip there? I can't... um.... breathe."

"Oh, whoops. Sorry."

"Don't worry, you're good... Anyways, come on. We can't be late, you know. We are the starters, after all."

  
"Okay, man. L-let's go."

"Hey, something wrong? We can go home if you're si-"

"N-no. It's just... Nah. It's nothing."

"*sigh* Alright... if you say so."

* * *

Kurt never really been to 7-11 lately... he only goes to one for energy drinks before a football game. Usually, Ram covers the bill... Kurt had to bike all the way there. Ram always drove him around left and right, Kurt always felt grateful for it... but now...

Kurt took a small breath before pushing the cold metal handles of the glass door, hearing the ding of the store's doorbell and revealing a concrete oasis of linoleum aisles. Kurt took it all in, the faint scent of cigarettes outside turning into a sweet yet odd aroma coating the mart... It felt all familiar... But as much as he wanted to admire or... be disgusted at the sight of the orange, green, white and red, he had to talk to someone.

Heather Chandler, the girl with a legion of fans and haters, and the one who makes red, the best color of the entire spectrum. She had told him to meet up at the snack aisle to talk. Looking around, he noticed a strawberry blonde girl who was shuffling through the shelf full of peanuts... _Yep, that's her, all right_... she looked different, however. Not in her daily crimson blazer and a flashy checkered skirt. Instead, she was wearing pitch-black jogging pants and a red rolled-up t-shirt. "Yo, Heather. Over here!" Kurt exclaimed as he ran over to her. When he got a closer look, she looked way too out of it. She had eyebags, barely any makeup on her, all of her tied into a fluffy ponytail, and not mention the surprising huge amount of chocolate bars and barbeque corn nuts she was holding. Kurt cringed at the mix of praline and perfume she was emitting. Ignoring that, Kurt decided to speak up.

"Uh... Heather, you called me?". Kurt questioned making her gaze turn at him. Her eyes... usually shining with life, now devoid of any of it. Her expression looked annoyed like she wanted to walk away at that very moment, but not that "annoyed" look like she didn't have time for you, more like a look like she wanted to conceal herself from the world.

"Hey. Yeah, I did." she blankly said. _Jeez... her voice._ It used to be full of confidence and was condescending and patronizing in every way. Now it sounded monotone and down. Ignoring that, he kept speaking, "First... why though? Second, what's up with the nuts and chocolate?". She sighed, "One. We need to talk about what happened last month. Two. I have money, I can do whatever the hell I want with it.". _Huh?_ That was it? No snooty one-liner? No petty sign of refusal? Just that? Is this even the "Heather Chandler" Kurt knew? "Last month? You don't mean..." Heather suddenly interjected, "The "suicide" between you and Ram.". "Wait! You know about it too?!" Kurt exclaimed in surprise and puzzlement. "Heather and Heather told me. Now, answer me this.". said Heather with a tone that was sharper than spikes. "Did you write the note?". _Huh...? That's what all of this was about?_ "Hell no! Why the hell would you think I'm gay fo-".

"You're lying."

"W-what?"

Suddenly, Heather swiftly dug into Kurt's leathery pockets and took out the small yellow note before Kurt could intervene. "H-huh?! I thought I kept that at-" Then a thin, fair-skinned finger was pressed onto his lips, silencing him instantly. "First, I notice this was sticking out as clear as day and second..." Heather proceeded to strip Kurt away from the rugged varsity jacket and turn it to the back. "This varsity jacket isn't even yours."

Sweeney... 17...

Crap. He brought Ram's varsity jacket with him instead of his, no wonder why it felt a size bigger...

"And if you're still adamant that you're not homosexual for the linebacker, then why does it say otherwise on this note?". Kurt was pale white, not because Heather knew about him wearing the wrong jacket, but her knowing what was the contents of the note without even reading it at all.

"Heather... how do you know what that note says...?"

"Don't you remember? You told me you were gonna write this two years ago..."

Two years ago...?

  
Kurt tried to remember all the times when he could’ve possibly written that note back then... nothing, there was no event where he could’ve taken out a piece of paper and write “Ram, I’m gay for you.”. Expect...

That night... the night of his birthday, Kurt couldn’t remember what exactly happened that night, however... he was drunk to the point of total blackout.

Then... something strange began to happen, the sweet aroma of the store transformed into an awful stench of weed and alcohol, the calm tune that was being played on the speakers suddenly turned into steroids and were blasting annoying loud heavy metal, and just like that... Kurt was right back at his party... his birthday party... Kurt took a glance at the dining table to see... himself... all loopy and had a bit too much to drink. He didn't look giggly or happy... he looked like he was on the verge of bursting out into tears. Then he saw two people walk to him... one was tall and wearing yellow, the other was about as tall as Kurt and was wearing red. They both down right next to Kurt and then the one in yellow began talking...

"Hey, Kurt. Are you doing okay?"

"Mmph... the fuckk does it look likeeee...?"

"Heather... you can leave him okay? I'll need to talk to him for a sec."

"Heather, but..."

"Heather, please."

"Alright, if you say so, Heather."

"Big Macccc, don't leave meeee."

...

"Kurt, do you need some rest?"

"Y-yeahh... I need some zssss"

Kurt was slurring almost every word that was coming out of his mouth. Heather Chandler was now sitting alone with him, trying to calm him down. She then began speaking,

  
"Kurt, is there something on your mind that's disturbing you?"

"...There's n-nothing to talk aboutt..."

"Really? You seem a little bothered... Is it that you're...?"

She proceeded to point at a tall guy talking with the other football players, they were talking and arguing who gets the last cup of beer. Kurt took a glance at where she was pointing and suddenly turns away from them, a very bright hue of red was beginning to manifest all over his face. The entity she was pointing was none other than the defensive linebacker... Ram.

"H-how the fuck did youu... argh... nevermind."

Kurt wanted to badly deny the accusation but he was too tired and drunk to say shit. Also... what was surprising was... she wasn't wrong at all... Kurt didn't know if it was the beer that was making him act like this or was he...?

"Well... his jacket is right beside you, so if you have anything to say to him, use this."

Heather held out a stack of yellow, bright sticky notes and small pen with cute little red heart on its brow and arose from her seat.

"Here, I'm going to get you some water, you know, get you sobered up a bit, okay?"

"Nooo... let me get lost in my drunken pain..."

"Kurt, hun, you seriously need some... no exceptions."

Before Kurt could speak any comment, Heather stood up from the table and headed away from the living which was lackluster of light and disappeared into the well-lit kitchen. Kurt glanced back at the football group to see that Ram was no longer there instead... he was walking straight up to Kurt. "Hey, Kurrrrrrtt-sy~." _Did he just-?_ Then Ram proceeded to sit on the chair where his jacket laid, right next to Kurt. Then Ram began to speak slurring his words a little bit worse than Kurt...

"Heheh... nrgh... Yo... ya like tat blankeyyy?"

No... a lot worse... Kurt managed to subside *his* drunken slur to try to speak sober, it wasn't great.

"Uh... y-yeah. Thanks a lot for that, man.". Ram giggles faded and his overly optimistic smile that was ameliorating his drunken look was now gone... "Ya' know... If you, Kurtsy, got anything to say... just tell me..."

...

Nothing...

The loud, roaring sound of rave music and intoxicated teenagers was only audible not there wasn't a single word coming from the quarterback who was now looking away from Ram... sighing in defeat, Ram said one more thing before fading into the hallway.

"Hey... yer lookin' a bit stressed and all... if you want... head to your room... I got jus' the cure." Then with a smirk, he disappeared into the dark hall away from the party.

_’Just the cure?’ What does he mean by that?_

Kurt breathed and started writing down things in his mind... call it ridiculous, but the notes were, in reality, something Kurt could use to vent to... he feels like he might've written too much... or...  


“Ooh, Kurt! Here, dear!". A voice calls out to him and then... he was met with a water bottle headed straight at his face. Thankfully, Kurt managed to access that he needed to catch it, and he did just that. "Huh... nice catch." said the same voice as the figure it belonged to walked up to him revealing...

"Heather? What was that about?" Kurt queried about Heather's sudden actions as he snapped open the cap from the bottle of water and started drinking it down like there was no tomorrow. "Well, did you manage to write something down?" Heather said completely ignoring the question Kurt gave. Kurt stopped drinking and nervously looked down at the note and crumbled it up to a ball. Heather held out her trying to stop him from doing his deed but it was already done and he tossed it to the trash but missing just barely. "Urghhh... you know, basketbol... ain't my ting', hm?" Kurt giggled a bit but quickly reverted to his sulky, drunk manner. He took a glance right at Heather Chandler to see that she was dead silent...

Then she stood up, walked over to the crumpled note and flattened it out. She looked over it, then she covered her mouth with her hand, stifling a huge wave of laughter, she somehow managed to keep at bay and tried to speak up again.

  
"So... I was right after all... you are hungry for linebacker's dick," she smirked with the smuggest expression he had ever seen in his life. "Look, I dunno why the hell I'm writing this-".

*SMACK!*

"Ack-!"

Kurt felt a sudden and stinging pain to face... Heather slapped him... and then just like that...

"Hey. Earth to Kurt. You good?" Kurt heard the slightly monotone voice of Heather Chandler and then he looked around to see him back in 7-11 with Heather standing right in front of him, waving his hand up to his face with one hand and holding the rugged leathery jacket of Ram in the other. The smell of alcohol around him was no longer present and the loud music was replaced a soft song playing from an intercom on the ceiling instead of a huge stereo.

"Kurt!"

"Huh?! Who?! What the fuck?!" The sudden yell from Heather startled him causing to sputter random gibberish. "Kurt. Again, are you good?" Heather looked at him getting more annoyed by the second. Kurt glanced back at Heather sheepishly and chuckled, "Sorry 'bout that...". Heather continued. "Well... you know something about the note, right...?"... Kurt sighed, he knew what he did and couldn't deny it. "Yeah... I wrote it when I was drunk," he said defeated grabbing a Gatorade from the fridge nearby and popped off the lid and began gulping down the electrolyte-filled drink. Heather gave a small smug smile and jested, "Ah, so you like to take it in the ass then?".

_What the fuck?!_

In one immediate second, Kurt spat out all of the drink in surprise and shock leaving him in his long-sleeved white shirt in a new shade of blue. Heather frowned, "Ugh, why'd you have to choose that flavor out of the others, you're giving me bad memories.".

Oh right, Heather was recovering from a bad case of digesting drain cleaner that was blue as the Gatorade Kurt had spilled... "Heather, do you think I'm a fa-"

"Stop trying to defend yourself, Kurt. Just admit already." The sudden interrupted him... She dusted off the chocolate crumbs off her shirt and sighed. "Kurt, hun, I get we're in the most homophobic place in all of United States but it's not wrong to like someone, even if that someone is the same gender." She wasn't wrong, it isn't wrong at all... but... "Hey, Heather. Why are you taking this so lightly, normally you'd laugh at guys who would be making out in the corner or girls who would be lesing' it up in the storage closet, so... why?". Then she began to do something Kurt would never expect to see on her...

A bright red hue that was flushed on her face.

"I-It's nothing... Let's go, bring that drink here. I'll cover the bill." she chuckled in a dismissive tone. And then speed-walked over to the counter, she was so fast that the next thing Kurt saw was her already starting to check out. "H- hey! Heather! Wait up!". He ran up to the counter and suddenly stop in his tracks...

*Ding dong!*

The store doorbell...

Kurt glanced over the door and all color drained from his face... That long trenchcoat... That weird walk... The Bo Diddley demeanor... Kurt couldn't deny it...

It was him...

The man in the coat walked past him, not even giving a single glance to the side, let alone Kurt himself. He wandered over to the slushie machine... that's right, he always had a thing for those... His face looked lifeless, displaying no emotion, whatsoever. Kurt couldn't move... He couldn't run... he couldn't hide... Then...

He snapped his head, now looking directly at Kurt. His blank expression turned into a smug, devilish grin like when he...

"Fancy seeing you here. Ah-ha... what are the chances...?"

Kurt, only being able to look around saw a mix of steel and aluminum lying in his trenchcoat...

"Well... ready to finish what we started?"

He pulled it out... it was a gun... that same gun that brought misery onto him and...

Kurt looked down, he was in just his underwear... his hands were now covered in blood... it wasn't his... he looked at his left, he saw him... Ram lying in dried tears and blood that was uncontrollably leaking from his neck lying on nothing but cold mulch.

Kurt looked around, Sherwood's cemetery... this looks so familiar...

Kurt looked up... there was a gun pointed straight at him...

**Run.**

"Holy crap!"

Kurt was frantically trying to escape, he heard the calls of his name, he could hear his name getting louder... and louder. The socks on his were dirtied by the mud... he didn't care... he only wanted to just get out. He didn't even know what he was saying, he only knew that he was pleading for his own life.

Metal fence. He couldn't climb it... the mud on his socks was making him slip... he needs to...

"Get off the fence. GET OFF THE DAMN FENCE!"

_Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! No! Why?!_

Kurt turned his head in fear... he saw the same coat... the insane smile... it was him... it was J.D...

He couldn't help but just cry out.

"I don't understand...!"

J.D. was now laughing... then... he was singing...

...Dinosaurs? Overdue asteroids... What the hell...? Kurt didn't know what to say... then he said the first thing that came in his mind.

"Stop being a dick!"

...He was fucked... "Stop being a dick"? Of all things to say?! J.D. wasn't even listening to him... he just... kept singing... 

"The dinosaurs will turn to dust!"

Kurt was hyperventilating, he didn't know what to do anymore, was this it? Was he gonna die like this? Kurt just kept crying out for his life.

"What does that mean?!"

The gun was now pointing directly at his chest... Kurt saw the most horrifying image in his life... and it was all plastered on his soon to be killer's face...

"THEY’LL DIE BECAUSE WE SAY THEY MUST!"

*BANG!*

Then everyone fell... now white was all Kurt was starting to see... Blood was flowing out his chest. Everything was going white... but Kurt could still see that devious face draped all over that bastard's face...

"What the fuck have you done?!"

Kurt was surprised... he was bleeding out but... he heard a confused, angry voice... it was too feminine to belong to J.D... A blue blur that looked like... a woman in blue came out of the trees, running at the blurry figure in black, and pushed him. Hard.

"I worship yo-"

"SHUT THE HELL UP! STOP IT WITH THAT WORSHIP BULLSHIT!"

The figure in black stood back. The figure in blue was now gripping onto the other's shirt. Kurt couldn't see well... he felt like he was about to faint... but he couldn't... he was just forced to watch. The blue figure spoke softer but she was still yelling...

"If you just wanna be with me, you would've just stopped with Heather. You were lucky that she's still up and standing. And now you want to kill again?! I thought you learned your fucking lesson!"

"But-"

"SHUT UP! YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULDN'T PULL SOMETHING LIKE THIS AGAIN. IF YOU'RE GONNA KEEP PULLING THIS ANGSTY TERRORIST SHIT THEN YOU..... You...!"

The blue figure was now on her knees, Kurt could hear sobs coming from her...

"Y-you can just leave... we're breaking up... we weren't meant for each other... this is so unhealthy and fucked up... we're not Bonnie and Clyde... So are you doing this to them...? They're only seventeen... they could change."

She was now pointing at Kurt, her crying was louder now... the other figure was silent... then...

"Like they changed you?"

"H-huh?"

"They gave you misery, they wanted to hurt you, even if they were "seventeen", people like this won't ever change... they changed you... and now they're making you one of them. They're the "fucked up" ones. I'm the one who could change this messed up society! I'm the rebel of it!"

"A rebel? A fucking rebel?! You're not a rebel! You're a fucking psychopathic asshole who needs to be thrown in the goddamn slammers for death row!"

The figure in black was just ignoring what she was saying and pointed the gun at Kurt... ready to shoot once more.

"I'll make sure they'll change, alright! Change in hell!"

"N-no!"

Suddenly, Kurt's face was met with the cold mulch on the ground... then another gunshot was heard...

The last thing Kurt could hear was the same girl screaming out.

* * *

Heather was horrible at things like this. Treating someone who fainted was something she never knew how to do, mostly because she skipped the procedure in Health class.

Seeing Kurt panic and run straight out of the store. Heather kept trying to call out for his name, but that only made matters worse... he ran into the fence that was surrounding the sides of the 7-11 and... he suddenly screamed and fainted. And just like that, he was asleep. 

Carrying Kurt wasn't so hard... he was only 5'8 which was only about 2 or 3 inches taller than her. She unlocked her car and threw Kurt onto the backseat. He was pale white and his face showed an emotion of fear and disturbance all while still having his eyes closed... _Jesus_ _, bad dream, much?_ She draped a small blanket she found in the back of her Porsche onto Kurt, brought his bike, placed it in the back of her car, and drove home, trying not to make any bumps to wake him up.

"Dear God, Kurt. What the hell were you thinking...?" Heather quietly exclaimed as she pulled up in front of her house. She didn't know the address to Kurt's house and making him rest in the cold in the car is a very bad idea... so Heather had to only do one thing. She inhaled and began carrying Kurt's fainted body, it was a bit of a challenge, because she had to unlock her front door without hurting Kurt at all... even so, Heather finally managed to reach her bedroom and using the last bit of her energy, she launched Kurt straight into her bed, with him starting to sink into the fluffy, pliable bed.

That...was more than tiring. Heather glanced over the bed to see the glass of the table she landed on when... she was... poisoned.

"Well fuck me with a chainsaw, I always forget to do this..."

Heather slipped on some flip flops and began sweeping up leftover glass since the incident, she was always lazy to do this despite being in her home all the time...

She went downstairs, slumped down on her couch, grabbed a bag of corn nuts she got and started eating it barbarically. She hadn’t had a lot of good food since she was admitted to Sherwood’s Mental Institution, the food tasted horrible, the people were worse, and her parents couldn’t send her anything since they were always busy at work.

She always wondered why she was admitted, Heather McNamara always treated her being a lot more supportive than usual and Heather Duke... was still like an asshole but it lessened down a bit, she didn’t have to tell her to shut up that much anymore. She later learned someone forged a suicide note to make people think she was some sort of savior. People were a lot friendlier to her than ever... It was scary. To nearly die and somehow be brought to life at the worst possible moment... she tried to deny it, to say she wasn’t the one who wrote that note but... everything else says otherwise. The handwriting was one of the biggest contradictions, it matched hers perfectly, so much that it was terrifying... did she write that?

_I couldn’t have written it... could I?_

  
  


She really didn’t want people to look down on her like this... especially her... the recent addition to her pack... Veronica. Heather didn’t why but she always felt a warm kinship towards her... whenever she talked to her, Heather would always feel like there were butterflies in her stomach. Weird... no one else in her life made her ever feel like that before. So why now?

She always talked down on her and spoke behind her back, making playful excuses that she was a dyke for always denying that she likes J.D...

J.D... the bastard who loved to rub Veronica’s love in her face and she didn’t know why but she was always furious when it happens... The last time she saw him was when...

She remembers exactly how that incident went down, she drank a cup of something that she thought it was Prairie Oyster, nope. It was a cup of one of the strongest drain cleaners Ohio sold. She was choking trying to spit the awful liquid back up, everything was blurring, and she suddenly starting falling grasping onto a familiar blue blazer and looked up, it was Veronica who was shaking in fear and was starting to cry, Heather tried to say something but the moment made her say the first thing that just came up in her mind.

”Corn...! Nuts...!”

Then she suddenly saw black... not before seeing the one person before falling into the glass of her table, J.D... he was smiling like he was possessed, it was a horribly twisted smile, one that patients in straitjackets would give. The last thing she could hear was the glass on the table shattering under her weight.

Heather sighed, grab a bar of chocolate and gnawed it down ravenously. She got so hungry after what happened. She preferred to just eat her problems away, she couldn’t admit to anyone because it would be horrible for her god-like reputation that only got stronger because of that note, it sucked like hell. Heather didn't even know how she survived, the drain cleaner should've shut down her system... or at least messed up her voice and throat... but no, a miracle blessed her and she somehow fully recovered... it was nice to have a second chance of life... but the way things are going, she would've rather had the damned drink kill her, instead. Already finishing several packages of corn nuts and chocolate, Heather stood up from the couch, not even bothering to wipe the crumbs off her face or body making them lie all over the carpeted floors. She headed into the kitchen and grabbed a box of small candies that she made herself, they were always really sweet and could always brighten up a dull day... mostly because they had so much sugar in them it was concerning, she usually made this when the other Heathers had to stay over. After doing that, she walked all the way up and opened the door to her room.

Kurt... was awake.

* * *

“Eh? Heather...? Why are you here...?” Kurt questioned raising his head from the soft bed, he looked around and could conclude from the sickeningly surplus of red and pink that the bedroom wasn’t his. “Uh... is this bedroom...?” Heather Chandler interjected quickly with a fast “Yeah.” cutting off Kurt’s slow delivery of words. He slumped back onto the bed, he felt like he was to pass out again... “Heather...? What... happened?” He was so tired to even speak right. She spoke up again, “Well, you saw some dude in a trench coat and you freaked out and ran out of the store. You were clenching onto the fence outside like there was no tomorrow... not to mention, you kept screaming and crying and calling me a dick.”.

Ah... he's having one of those episodes again... and also... some dude in a trenchcoat?

"A dude in a trenchcoat... do you remember that kid?"

"Bo Diddley? Yeah, that's the person you saw. Spot on."

Kurt's eyes were as wide as ever... did she just say she saw...?

"J.D?! You saw him?!"

"Why are you so surprised? I knew that we would eventually see him again one day... and that day was today, unfortunately..."

Again... she wasn't wrong, at all. Them meeting him again would eventually happen if they liked it or not... but Kurt just found it unsettling... he wished he could've taken that situation a bit more lightly... but no, he just couldn't help but just run away.

Run far away from the man who made from the man who made his hellish life worse.

Kurt never wanted to pick a fight with him the day he saw his beady little eyes and his shit-eating grin, but his quarterback-asshole reputation said otherwise. And he wished he would've just looked the other way and he'd be okay... but nope...

"I know... but he's the reason... the reason why you, Ram, and I nearly got killed, the reason why Ram's in the hospital right now... the reason why Ram and I are now "gay lovers"... if I find that asshole again... I'll kill him!"

Heather covered her face with her hand, chuckling. "Well. that is... if you could reach his neck..."

_Oh boy... she's on about this again?_

Kurt knows he's shorter than Ram and J.D... by far... but that was just too low.

Heather reached over Kurt to the gold-plated box that was aside from him and opened it, revealing a goldmine of small pieces of colored sweets. Kurt had a sweet tooth for candy and sugar and basically anything that had sugar in it. She handed them to Kurt and he sighed and started slowly eating them and then like that he was already halfway finished with it.

He sighed and lied back down. "Look, I'm really tired and I just need some answers... J.D is a monster I get it... but have you also seen someone else might've been with him?"

Heather, unsurprised, grabbed the box of sweets from Kurt and held out a blue one... it looked exactly like the color he saw when he was...

"Veronica? Yeah. I saw her..."

_Veronica...? Why would she be...?_

"Wait, isn't Veronica your...?"

"Yup. She was the latest addition to our pack of Heathers... she calls herself "a Veronica", really. It's sort of silly if you ask me..."

"Silly? She was the one who gave you a cup of blue death, how can that be fucking "silly"?" Kurt growled wanting to stand and leave but was too tired and just wanted to fall back onto the soft bed right below him. Heather grabbed another pillow and nested it under Kurt's head. "Look, I know that she might've been involved in our... incidents... but I feel like she wasn't the one who would actually have the balls to kill us... herself.". Kurt sat up and raised his voice loud enough that if anyone in the house, they could hear it.

Suddenly at that moment, he remembered that... "She pointed a goddamn gun at me! She shot Ram! People like that need to be fucking executed!". His eyes were filled with anger and he was enraged. Heather sighed and ruffled and tussled his curly, dark blonde hair. It calmed him down a bit and got him slightly flustered...

"Don't worry... if anyone's at fault... it's Bo Diddley..."

Kurt sighed in frustration and felt his eyes blur as if he was about to fall asleep again... "Kurt, don't stress yourself... take a rest and I'll wake you up later.," Heather spoke in a soft tone, it felt like a tranquilizer straight to the neck.

Kurt wanted to interject but... the lack of energy forced him into another rest.

* * *

Hours pass and Kurt left her house. Now sitting at the park's bench, Kurt whipped out his phone and checked the time, it was 5 P.M... it was getting late... He didn't feel like going home at all, however. Paul was still home and wasn't going to leave for work for another 2 hours. So instead, he decided to just scroll around the web for a few hours. He mostly spent his time on his online timeline. He always saw hilarious posts from friends... so hilarious he would just laugh for hours on end. He scrolled and saw a few funny posts that were made months ago... they were mostly about the football team's many victories, their nights were drinking until the crack of dawn, and much more. Kurt was happy for them until he realized...

_Fuck, I forgot!_

Right. If the football team were to get word of the note then Kurt would be forced to consider himself "off the team"... Kurt sighed and kept scrolling then he finally got to the recent posts and then there was one post that caught his eye... one that was posted only a few minutes ago...

-Hey guys just to yall pussies know Im alive and running well. hospital food sucks and I was resisting to grab the nurse's sweet behind but I managed. ill be back in no time flat. you can bet ur ass on it.

Posted: November 28th, 20XX

by Ram Sweeney

_Wait... what the hell?_

_Ram?!_

Suddenly, his phone went off...

It was Ram...

*BEEP!*

"Hello? Ram?! Are you there?! Are you okay?" Kurt frantically said, basically yelling hoping someone from the other end would say something...

Luckily there was a response...

"Whoa... what kind of ghost did you see, dude?"

"Ram?! You're okay?!"

"Yeah... I feel like shit... but I'm all good... I'm feeling sort of lonely since you left... didn't know gunshots to the neck were THAT serious..."

"Hold on, can I come over to visit? I got some time on my hands!"

"I dunno, man..."

"Please! Come on! I wanna see you!"

"Eh. Fine. I gotta hang up now, don't want the nice looking nurse over there to see me with this thing... man, she has a nice ass..."

Ignoring that last comment, Kurt pressed the "End" button and hung up. He grabbed his bike and starting cycling right over to the hospital. Thoughts were coursing all over his brain.

_How did he survive?!_

_Is he gonna be alright?!_

_Does he know about the note...?!_

Kurt sighed, he was so glad but surprised at the same time that Ram suddenly awoke from his coma.

**Aren't you the lucky one? Too bad this didn't happen with-**

_No...! I can't think about that now...! I just need to get to him!_

Kurt eventually reached the hospital, checked in and dashed straight to Ram's hospital room.

He walked in to see Ram... on his side, facing the hospital window and on his phone. Kurt snuck up to him, trying not to alert him at all until...

"RAM!"

"Ah! What?! Jesus!" Ram squealed as he nearly dropped his phone, now turned to Kurt in a pissed and pouty expression.

"Kurt, what the hell is your damage?!" Ram shouted, still in a pouty look.

Kurt really wanted to say something but all of his emotions were all coursing through his brain and he just ended up pulling Ram into a hug. "Ram! I am so fucking happy to see your ass!".

"Haha! You too, my man. It has been so damn long since I saw you!" Ram responded, happily hugging him back.

Kurt couldn't be anymore happier, to see his friend who was once in a pale, white, weak state and could be considered dead was now up and running bursting full of his old energy and life, unlike Kurt who had scars of his wounds, Ram looked in perfect condition and he practically looked like he could jump up from the hospital bed and run back home.

"Uh... Kurt... can you let go...? I'm not an expert about hugs but I don't think you should be snugglin' up with someone that long."

_Oh shit-_

Kurt opened his eyes and retracted his hug to see Ram's face in a pinkish hue flushing his cheeks... Kurt didn't notice it at all though... he was embarrassed himself for doing something like that.

"Hey, so... how's the hospital?"

"Well, I woke up a few hours ago... Pops gave me a few clothes, he couldn't give me my favorite jacket though... he said he would find it, it's sort of disappointing... it was my favorite one... now it's just me and my stripey shirts..."

Ram chuckled a bit, took another glance at Kurt and smirked. Kurt quickly noticed the smug expression and inspected himself.

_Fuck..._

He's still in Ram's varsity jacket. "Eh. You can keep it. It looks good on you. I have spares, anyway." said Ram with his smug look now relaxed into a soft grin, rested his head against the pillows on the hospital bed. Kurt sighed and sat down to the nearby chairs. It was surprising how well Ram was after his recovery. The same couldn't be said for Kurt, really. 

"Well, if you want to see me more, I'll be discharged at the end of this week to check up for any more bruises or these "lacerations"... it'll be about a few days, think you can wait?"

"I'll try, but I swear you need to wear less cologne, this thing reeks of it."

"Hey, I just like not smelling like I got thrown to the dumpster, like a certain someone..."

"Yo, man. That was one time!"

They both laughed and eventually Kurt left, leaving Ram in his eternal aura of boredom and overused masculine products.

...

Kurt rode around the neighborhood on his bike, trying to wait until his dad would leave for work. He checked his phone... it was 6 P.M. a whole hour until he leaves... Kurt groans in irritation, another hour...? 

_Funny, I thought that the visit would've killed all the time..._

Kurt decided to bike the nearby gas station until the time comes... Then when he reached the station...

*drip!*

Kurt felt a small drop of liquid on his nose. Kurt reached over and caressed his finger over it. Then, right at the next second, droplets of water were pelting all around, almost instantaneously logged and soaked his body in nothing but water...

_Dammit... Rain..._

He looked around the place trying to find any kind of shelter, then he found a perfect candidate. A 7-11... 

Running up to the entrance, he pushed opened the metal bars of the door once again and heard the same old tune that he would always hear go in the store and exhaled in relief, no longer in the pits of wet hell. He looked around to see the same cashier from earlier who was practically devoid of any emotion and was sleeping when Kurt got there. Kurt still wanted to kill some more time, so he chose to just grab some snacks and scroll the web until his dad left. He searched around and grabbed a few snacks left and right, then when he was about to check he saw the thing that looked familiar...

A slushie machine... it's been a while since Kurt drank of those, they tasted amazing and was full of sugar... he didn't know why he didn't drink these things any time sooner... Kurt walked up to the machine and grabbed a cup. He looked over at the machine and searched all of the options...

"Pink World Flames... Peggy Valentine's... Squip's Fantasy..."

_What kind of flavors are these?!_

Kurt looked around for more flavors until he finally got to a drink that didn’t look like it came straight from Broadway, filling it to the brim and sticking a straw straight into the blue-colored pile of ice.

"Huh... Blue raspberry? You really got good taste, huh?" Kurt froze... that voice... it sounds way too familiar... Crossing his fingers and whispering quick prayers and curses. Not him... _It can't be him..._

Kurt reluctantly turned around to see the obscene colors of black and grey. He couldn't deny it... it was him...

"Ah, a little shocked of my appearance...? I wouldn't be so surprised..." J.D. said grabbing a slushie cup right next to him. Kurt wanted to run so badly, but the asshole probably has a gun that'll he shoot at him at any second... full of paranoia, Kurt backed away from him, slushie in hand and tried to ignore him.

_Get away from me... Get away... Get...away, goddammit..._

"Aw... Where are you going...?" 

He heard a small chuckle, Kurt refused to believe it... This couldn't be real... _Why is he fucking here?!_

Kurt took a deep breath and turned around to face him, he didn't have those twisted smiles... he didn't look smug, he just looked... normal... he took his cup and filled it with the same flavor Kurt chose for himself and took a sip. Kurt was lost in thought trying to find something to say... anything, really.

"So... what brings you here?"

Huh... that wasn't as much as a bad option... 

J.D looked at Kurt with a small grin, "I like 7-11s and slushies, that's all to it." Wow... that was a fast shutdown...

J.D sighed and sat on the counters... Kurt cringed a bit, he knows what usually goes on those things, and they can be considered a lot of things but clean... was just not one of them... J.D. didn't care though, he sat down there like the place could be considered his home... he did seem a little too attracted to the slushies...

Kurt swallowed the lump in his throat and spoke up. "Hey, what's up with the slushies...? It seems like you drink them every damn day... shouldn't you have a parent that would give a shit about that?". Kurt chuckled... he wasn't wrong, earlier in senior year, J.D. could basically be seen carrying a slushie at all times, it was silly, really. He looked like he could've jacked off to them...

"I just like them, they were really something that supported me... my dad is a basic asshole and my mom..."

Kurt tilted his head a bit in confusion. "Your mom what?"

J.D sighed and took a good look at his slushie and took a sip. "My mom bit the dust a long time ago... ever since it's been me and my dad..."

Kurt flinched at the sudden comment, his mom died...?

**Sounds like a certain someone...**

Kurt, ignoring the taunting voice he was hearing, spoke more... "Well, damn... that's too bad... but..." Kurt sucked up a breath before speaking... "But how does that justify you going psycho and nearly killing us?" J.D didn't flinch... not even blink as he kept sipping his slushie. 

The quarterback didn't hear any more answers... it scared him a bit but it angered him a lot more... he was practically pissed at this point. "Are you fucking kidding me?! That's your reason? Your mother dying is an excuse for attacking people and creating fake suicide notes? Is it your justice for what happened to her? You're doing more harm than help."

Then another chuckle was audible from him. "Ah, you seem a little heated that I was talking about her... is it that...?".

Kurt's cheeks were stinging and face was burning, he was ready to practically deck J.D in the face at any moment. _How the hell did he even know that?!_

"Hm... maybe I shouldn't dig into details, don't want you to be-"

"Look, my mother died not that long ago, and I'm not one for fucking talking about her, but that doesn't mean I can use it as a damn excuse to force my problems on someone else, for fuck's sake!" Kurt was infuriated, but J.D was STILL sipping the slushie, not even giving two fucks about Kurt's verbal siccing onto him.

"So... using aggression gets your way, huh?" J.D glares at him with slight annoyance and frustration. Kurt has been to a lot of professionals about his mental health recently, and they all spoke to him exactly like that... Running out of verbal slang to use, he practically gave up. "Fuck you, man..." Kurt sneered, brushing his finger on top of the small hole of the straw stuck in his slushie that was melting a bit.

J.D laughed a bit and looked over at Kurt's shoulder with an eyebrow raised. "Huh... where's your boyfriend? Thought you both were stuck together like gorilla glue...", Kurt glanced at him in a furious expression, "You know, fucking well why he isn't here... he's in the goddamn hospital because of the shit you pulled, and don't even think of calling him my "boyfriend", that's just another clutter of bullshit you're using to try to make Ram and I look like the fags of the school."

Hearing Ram suddenly be pulled into the conversation made Kurt want to leave right there and then, Kurt then just didn't know what else to say and was just defeated.

"Fuck this... I'm out."

"Don't forget to pay for those." J.D pointed at the forgotten drink on Kurt's hand, he groaned and walked over to the checkout counter. The cashier who looked like she didn't hear shit, began scanning Kurt's slushie and with an emotionless tone she said, "Would that be all?" Kurt was about to say "Yes" when his face was covered by an ashy, pale hand and he could someone say, "Uh... hold on, I'm with him, here." J.D puts a few snacks on the counter and his slushie. Kurt pushed the hand away and screamed, "Hey, what the fuck?! Why the hell a-" The cashier didn't care and began scanning the items, Kurt still in shock of what happened.

_Who does he think he fucking is to try to mooch money off me? He just tried to-_

"That will be $18.75..."

Then to Kurt's surprise, J.D brought out a 20 dollar bill and completed the transaction. "Yo, what the he-ya!" Kurt was cut off when J.D pulled his arm, grabbed the bag. and sat him down on the bench near the exit. He then began shuffling the bag for something.

_Did he just..._

Kurt looked down at his slushie cup which he did not sip out of once... did J.D just pay for him? Kurt looked at his pockets... to his surprise, there wasn't a single cent in there.

_Right... my wallet's in *my* varsity jacket... shit._

Breaking the awkward silence, Kurt gestured to speak to J.D once again, what he was met with instead was a bar of Snickers held right in his face with a box containing those dry pizzas 7-11 usually sold. "Uh... what this for...?" J.D remained silent. Despite being a straight-up attempted murderer, Kurt still didn't want to be rude, so instead, he grabbed all of them and started scarfing down the chocolately-hazelnut bar.

J.D leaned back and kept drinking his slushie. It was weird, really. J.D bought a few snacks... and gave them all to Kurt...? That was surprisingly... nice. It was certainly a red flag for him, however. Who tries to kill someone then give them food? That's like Batman bandaging all the wounds he gave to Joker. 

"So, this is certainly a shocker..." said J.D shattering the silence. Kurt looked up seeing his face, he didn't have any smug-ass grin that was always plastered on his face, he just looked... sad. "What's the shocker?" Kurt mumbled, loud enough for J.D to hear. "Well, I heard rumors that when you got out of that hospital, you've been having panic attacks... about me, lately." J.D leaned back, he looked sympathetic... like... he felt... guilty.

"To be honest, I didn't expect an asshole like you to be having more behind closed doors... your act was just really... convincing... if you were a bit more open, I would've considered that night." Kurt was shocked, _did he just..._

"But, really I did what I did... you were just another one of those pawns in society..."

Kurt slugged down and took small bites out of the pizza, teeth shuddering in the sudden heat coming off the hot, dry thing...

All Kurt could conclude from J.D was that if he wasn't such a psychopathic maniac, then J.D was just a sad teen with problems that just needed help. Having a lot more confidence and lost most of his anger, Kurt decided to ask, "Hey, J.D... why do you like slushies so much? The only things that are stuck together like "gorilla glue" are your slushie and yourself..." J.D didn't really give any weird looks at all... he just chuckled, giving one of the most genuine laughs that Kurt has ever heard from him.

"*sigh* Well, slushies are just a way to help me get by... I can't do therapy... my dad always says I don't need it and I never have enough money for it really... I just really want to forget what happened with... my mom... it just really fucked me up in the head... you know? And some words about friendship and bullshit like that from our school counselor doesn't do shit... So I turned to this... it's the second-best thing... the pain it gives me is like a cure for the pain I already have, you know?"

"Yeah, sounds you've been through hell and back..." Kurt sort of felt... bad for him... J.D sighed and pointed at him... no... at something else... "Here, taste a bit of that if you really know what I'm feeling." Kurt looked at him then the slushie then him again. "Okay... I guess." Kurt looked once more at his slushie before taking a huge sip out of it.

Kurt wasn't gonna lie, it tasted amazing. The cold, sweet, chunky mixture was anything but bad. But... as much as it was good...

"Hey, J.D... I know slushies might be good for you right now... but slushie or not, you need help, man. If you want, I can pay for your therapy..." Kurt said... J.D was surprised... a douchebag football quarterback acting nice? It honestly shocked Kurt himself for a bit, Kurt didn't care, however. All J.D needed was some help. Professional help. J.D gave him a smile, not a twisted, sinister one... but more of a sad, apologetic one.

"Even after what I did, you're still willing to help? Wow... you must be a lot less of an asshole than I thought. It's a relief, really." J.D said. "Heh. well. People change, that's a fact that you really need to get into your head...". That sentence somehow made J.D turn silent completely... J.D looked down... and just like that...

  
He left... but before that, he whispered to him, "Huh... you know, maybe you're the person I need in this fucked-up society...". Then the store doorbell was heard. And he was gone.

That was... something...

*DING! DING!*

"Ah... damn... I gotta put this thing on vibrate or something..." Kurt said in an irritated tone, who the fuck could it be this time? 

It was an email...

Kurt opened to reveal it was from his homeroom teacher... Ms. Fleming, one of the most annoying teachers to exist at Westerburg...

"Dear Kurt Kelly,

Due to requests from your father, Paul Kelly, you'll be required to attend school tomorrow. Your assignments will be delayed until Friday and you will need to stay after school to catch up on certain tests. Please don't forget about Friday's assembly.

Sincerely,

Pauline Fleming"

Fuck...

He forgot about school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally managed to decide on how many chapters for this story to have but, I ain't revealing that tho. All I can say is I got a lot, and I mean A LOT of things and drama is going to be in this story. Until then. This is ZuWrites, signing off. Chao!  
> Alternate titles: WHY TF IS THIS CHAPTER SO LONG?! This chapter reveals my love-hate opinion with J.D, please fucking help me. GIVE ME CHANSAW TOO PLEASE!


	5. [2] Freeze Your Brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [2] Freeze Your Brain  
> Singers: Jason Dean, Kurt Kelly

[Kurt, spoken]

J.D... 7-11 is nice and all but why the hell are you so obsessed with this place?

[J.D, spoken]

This place just helps, it's like therapy for me...

[Kurt, spoken]

Therapy... how?

[J.D]

...I've been through ten high schools, they start to get blurry.

No point planting roots, 'cause you're gone in a hurry...

My dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den, so it's only a matter of when...

I don't learn the names, don't bother with faces.

All I can trust is this concrete oasis.

Seems every time my emotions lose control.

There's a 7-11, good for my soul...

Each store is the same.

From Las Vegas to Boston.

Linoleum aisles I LOVE to get lost in...

I pray at my altar of slush...

Saving my mind being crushed down to dust.

-SLURP!!-

Freeze your brain...

Suck on the straw and lost in the pain.

Happiness comes, when everything numbs.

Fuck your cocaine...!

Just freeze your brain...

Freeze your brain...

[J.D, spoken]

Here, take a sip of yours...

[Kurt, spoken]

*chuckles* Shouldn't mommy tell you to tone this shit down?

[J.D, spoken]

Not anymore!~

[J.D]

When mom was alive... I wasn't so fucked up.

Now it's just me and my dad, problems had stirred up.

I learned to cook pasta, I learned to pay rent.

Learned that society

was messed in the head.

You made me see future.

Left my problems at foyer.

Just don't be so coy and sue me with lawyers!

You can leave me when the sky goes and falls...

So enjoy that slushie, blue as your balls.

Freeze your brain! Swim in the ice, get lost in the pain!

Shut your eyes tight, till you vanish From sight... Let nothing remain!

Freeze your brain! Shatter your skull! Fight pain with more pain.

Forget who you are! Unburden your load!

Forget in six weeks, you'll be back on the road!

When the voices in your head say, "You're better off dead!"

Don't open a vein!  
  


[Kurt, spoken]

J-J.D...

[J.D]

Just freeze your brain...

Freeze your brain...

Go on and freeze your brain...

[J.D, spoken]

Come on, try it!


	6. And Your Pain will Disappear!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt went back to school and he's in for a goddamn ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not abandoning this story (I can't stand an incomplete story. Never. Since my Wattpad phase ended.), I'm just tired and slow since quarantine started. (and I made another multi-chapter story...) Just a quick little note before this chapter begins, this whole timeline takes place right after the musical's "Our Love is God". Since Kurt and Ram aren't dead, "Dead Gay Son" doesn't exist, and "Seventeen" doesn't exist because of... the events of "Our Love is God". So now that's out of the way, thanks for reading this short note and enjoy this chapter!
> 
> TW: sexual themes near the end of the chapter, be warned.

It was only an hour he was back to school and Kurt wanted to die.

Kurt put his head down onto the wooden desk laid out in front of him, he felt like passing out until the end of the day.

* * *

The first day back, Kurt wasn't spared at all. He walked to the school campus, to find millions of students all piled up trying to get into the school, some trying to push their way into the school entrance, there were millions of chatter coming from the students all around... Kurt didn't want to draw so much attention to himself, so he pushed past some weak freshman so he wouldn't suffocate in the stampede... He eventually managed to finally get into the school. He hurried up to the second floor to try to get to his locker. He didn't want to talk to any of the football team... mostly because of...

"Hey, look. Our quarterback's finally back in school, again..." said a voice in the crowd, Kurt tried to ignore it until he heard...

"Come on, of all the people, you worry about the fag over there?" said another voice... they sounded so familiar...

Kurt sighed and turned to his locker. He tried to open it until...

"Huh...? What the hell?" Kurt's eyes widened in surprise... his locker door wouldn't budge at all, it felt like it was sealed tight. Then someone approached him... "Hey, man. I can help you with that," said Nathan... the football team's fullback and one of Kurt's good friends, Kurt felt a bit suspicious... _E_ _veryone in school knows about that damn note, so why...?_

Nathan then proceeded to pry open the locker to reveal a bunch of papers tumbling down on the tiled floor... Nathan stood back away from it, whilst Kurt got hit with the sudden avalanche of paper. Students around silenced and turned to him. Some people were starting to giggle. Nathan then walked up to the pile of notes and picked one of them up... he looked at Kurt with a strange, smug smile.

"I, Kurt Kelly, is gay for Nathan's dick." Nathan wasn't even looking at the note... it looked like he knew what was exactly on it... he then fake gasped and exclaimed dramatically, "Kurt! I didn't know you were gay for me...! This is such a surprise!!" yelled Nathan causing a whole rumble of laughter coming from the floor. Kurt... didn't know what to say, he was just sitting on the floor, shocked, legs buried in piles of notes... Kurt took a quick glance...

They all kept saying the same phrase... "I, Kurt Kelly, is gay for...".

A hand was put on his shoulder, Kurt looked up to see a prep wavering a twenty-dollar bill over his face. "Hey, man. Here, take this and follow me into the closet since you're so hungry for dick." Kurt pushed the barrage of notes, stood up, and forcefully pushed the fucker away. "Dude, fuck off. I'm no fag. If anyone's gay here, it's you." the prep was still giving Kurt the shit-eating grin. Kurt glanced around to see that the football team was around him. "Oh, really? Well, I think the secret notes of you wanting all of our dicks says otherwise!" laughed the prep as he toyed around with the quarterback's varsity jacket, making it look like the prep was trying to strip the quarterback, showing Kurt's slivery white t-shirt.

Kurt noticed the bandages from his left shoulder was about to show, trying to hide them and prevent the situation from getting any worse, he spun around and pushed the prep back making him flinch, giving the shaggy-haired boy enough time to readjust his jacket, he wanted to leave badly, but unfortunately, his fury took over him. "Shut the hell up! I'm not fucking gay!" yelled Kurt, he could feel his face burning up in anger. 

_These motherfuckers...!_

Kurt couldn't help it. In anger, he turned to deck the damn prep in the face... suddenly, he ducked and landed a perfect punch straight into Kurt's stomach making him fall over on his knees. "Aw, man, chill! I know you're gay and all but you don't have to be such a slut about it!" said a nerd from the crowd... _great... even them...?!_

Kurt's head was aching horribly... "Aw, you guys! Stop teasing him! We all know that he has the hots for what's in that other fag's pants... oh... who was he again...? Oh right! Ram!" said Jackson, the corner linebacker and one of Ram's closest friends, second to Kurt. To hear Jackson talk about Ram like that... it just pissed him off. "Hey, what the fuck?!" screamed Jackson as he was pushed back into the on-looking crowd... Kurt was trying to just avoid all of them, but anything he did was just making the situation worse than it had to be...

The sudden move made some "ohs" in the crowd. Then someone screamed in the crowd, "Oooh, look everyone! Kurt's trying to defend his boyfriend's honor!".

Someone added along with that sentence, "Well, duh! Remember the news? They were the two fags who tried to kill each other."

_Shut up._

"Ah! Awww... is the little pwincess going to cry, do you need a tissue?" Laughter ensued...

_Shut up. Shut up. Shut up._

"Hey, Kurt! Do I see a bit of red coming from those cheeks of yours?"

_Shutupshutupshutupshutupshutup...!_

Then one sentence came from behind... it was Nathan... and it was enough for Kurt to snap...

"Too fucking bad those shots didn't kill you guys, the world needs less damn faggots like the both of-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Kurt started blacking out... he made a beeline straight towards Nathan and went straight for his neck, gripping it with both of his hands, trying to strangle him. Nathan kept trying to get him off, until someone behind Kurt immediately grabbed and slammed him against the locker, setting Nathan free from Kurt's death grip causing him to gasp for air. The crowd was so distracted on what happened to Nathan that nobody saw Kurt and the mysterious figure at all. The figure that was none other than the team's offensive wide receiver, Mark. Kurt tried to say something but Mark interrupted him, "Let's go." before Kurt could respond, he was swiftly dragged out of the crowd's view and into another room, Finally calmed down, Kurt took a glimpse around the room, it was the science lab's storage closet.

"Hey, are you okay?" said Mark shaking Kurt by the shoulders, Kurt wasn't blacking out anymore, however, he was still in a confused trance... why would Mark of all people save him from that...? Mark was the asshole of the team, he made fun of Kurt's... anything. For him to prevent Kurt from any bigger danger was...

"Mark? What the hell...? What was that for?" Kurt asked. "Shut it... I just didn't want you to get in any more trouble than you already are, I think you had suffered enough this year, short stuff...". _Ugh... "short stuff", is he still on about this...?_

Mark looked around the room and found a small step stool. In a swift move, he pulled it over to Kurt's side and sat him down. "Here, tell me what class you have... I'll try to keep you out of sight, the team was all planning to team up on you the time you got back to school, the things they said about you and Ram were brutal... they also stuffed notes in your locker so they could get at your throat, it was all kinds of fucked up if you asked me...". Kurt was still confused, "But why are you telling me this? You hate me." Kurt bluntly stated. Mark sighed, it took him a while to respond but eventually, he caved in, "It's because I was fucking jealous of how you kept rubbing on how you did well in every game, to be honest, I only just like to make fun of you for laughs, but I never really wanted your whole life to go down to shit...". There was a short silence before he spoke again, "Haha... to be honest, I feel sorta pathetic for feeling jealous. I never thought something like this would happen to you. But it did... I feel terrible about this." Before Kurt could respond...

*RING! RING!*

"Oh- the school bell. Here, I'll take you to your class."

Mark opened the door and led Kurt outside the hallways, trying his best to keep Kurt out of sight from crowds and other students, walking past the crowd of nerds talking about Thursday's assignment and the geeks screaming about the new game about cartoon animals, eventually...

Kurt lifted his head and saw students beginning to pour into the classroom, Kurt avoided eye contact with all of them. Not a second later, the classroom was already booming with students chattering throughout. Soon enough, class started, students ignored him, it wasn't unnatural, really. Eventually, time flew and flew. He went from class to class every period like every other day, he managed to make past through every class until the one before lunch. It was half an hour before lunch period, Kurt just wanted to leave, he couldn't on the lesson at all. Not like it mattered, the teacher was just sitting down on his chair and giving random worksheets and classwork for the students to finish. Most of the class already finished and were talking to each other. Kurt finished his work, he didn't have anyone to talk in this class, AP Calculus didn't have many students he knew, especially from the football team he was one of the very few who had AP classes and was in the football team at the same time, that was how he was called the "smartest guy on the football team". Kurt slumped down in his seat, what could he do...? Letting out a small groan, Kurt sat up and grabbed his notebook, he flipped it open to a blank page, tightened his grip on the pencil on his free hand and pressed it on the paper.

_What should I draw to waste time? Food? Nah. Bo Diddley in that fight? No, not worth getting in trouble for... What should I do? Maybe a cool self-portrait...!_

Then someone tapped on his shoulder, it was a girl in brown hair and glasses, she always sat next to him, they never really talk unless it was about the time or what was the assignment. She wasn't looking at him but in the notebook, "Aw... that's such a cute drawing!" Kurt took a glance at the girl and smiled a bit. The sentence wasn't alarming at first until she said the one thing that made Kurt freeze perfect. "Isn't that supposed to be one of the football team's linebackers? Who was his name... again...?". Kurt looked at the girl in horror, it didn't matter because she was still trying to figure who was the mystery person Kurt was sketching. Kurt slowly turned his head to the notebook and...

  
"Oh right! His name was Ram! Well, I love how you drew him, those little hearts look so cute!" the girl exclaimed loudly in realization, he drew Ram.

Of all things to draw. It was Ram.

_Fuck._

"Hey, hold on, lemme see that!" yelled a jock from the basketball team as he snatched the notebook swiftly out of Kurt's hands, "Hey! What the fuck, man?!". The jock quickly scanned the drawing and started laughing his ass off. "Oh-ho, man! Are you that hungry for Sweeney's dick?!" teased the jock, students called him Matthew and he was a massive bitch, and what was worse was that he was in AP classes with him. "You son of a bitch, give me that!" Kurt growled trying to take his notebook back, what was unfortunate was that Matthew was practically twice Kurt's height, Matthew was yelling loud enough for the whole class to hear and held the notebook up for all of the class to see. "Hey everyone! Take a look at Kurt's gay-ass drawing! God, Kelly! Why you gotta want to suck linebacker's dick so badly?! Ahaha!" Matthew continued to tease Kurt, students were starting to laugh and chuckle. Kurt was trying to grab his notebook... it was impossible, the notebook was way too far out of his reach. "Awww... does the fag want his notebook back? What are you gonna do with it? Hmm, oh! Let me guess! Are you gonna jack off to the drawing? If that's so I'm not going to stop you!" said Matthew smugly handing him the notebook. Kurt felt angry and humiliated, without another word, he pulled the notebook towards him and stormed out of the classroom, students laughing at him. 

Kurt charged into the hallways, pushing the crowd of students out of the way and ran straight into the room nearest to him, which was a storage closet and forcefully shut it, nearly tearing the door off 

_They won't fucking get to me, those damn assholes won't get to me..._

_This fucking sucks... I'm not gonna fucking cry... I'm not some goddamn pussy..._

But Kurt couldn't help it, he collapsed onto his knees, face burning up like an inferno, tears forming up at the corner, head hurting like a bitch.

_Don't cry. Don't cry... don't fucking..._

_Cry..._

But the quarterback couldn't help it, seeing the football team who he had been friends with since middle school taunt and terrorize him making his whole reputation crumble to pieces was enough to make him break down in tears. Failing to prevent any more tears for daring to leave his eyes, Kurt brought his knees to his chest and buried his head in his arms, sobbing like a goddamn pussy.

The day felt so fucking awful, Kurt just wanted to stay in that closet forever, going out to the hallways might've been already deemed as impossible.

_I hate this shitty day so goddamn much..._

_Fuck the team. Fuck this whole damn school. Fuck... J.D._

_That asshole is the reason why I'm here..._

Kurt wasn't wrong, if J.D wasn't here then he wouldn't be in this situation.

But as much as he wanted to hate him, Kurt couldn't bring himself to do it because of what has happened to him in the past...

His throat feels so sore, his head hurt like hell. 

Kurt leaned his head back onto the cold bumpy wall, tears rolling down his face and closed his eyes.

_Why can't I just fucking disappear...?_

...

...

...

* * *

This was new...

Kurt didn't expect this at all...

Sitting on the living room carpet floor, Kurt sighed and looked up, to see none other than Ram Sweeney giving him a frustrated look. It was complete silence... They paused in the middle of the video game they were just playing.

...

"So... are we gonna resume the game or what, dude?" Ram spoke poking Kurt's shoulder with the controller in hand, making the shaggy-haired boy jerk up his head. "A-ah?! Oh, shit! Right!" Kurt exclaimed as he unpaused the game. About half a minute in, Ram looked down away from the controller and the tv and took a glance at Kurt, pausing the game.

"What the fuck, man? I was just about to grab that damn power-up." Kurt shouted, throwing a mini temper tantrum. "Kurt, man. Ya' gotta tell what's on your mind, We ain't gonna finish the first chapter if you gonna be playing all Debby Downer." Kurt remained silent, now looking away from Ram.

"Is it because I have to move schools for 8th grade?"

Those words made Kurt cringe, he shuddered at the sentence. Ram sighed and kept speaking, "Huh, I guess I got the jackpot. Dude, it's going to be alright, even if I'm not gonna be at Sherwood Junior High, I'm still gonna keep contact and talk with you.". Kurt stuttered to speak before uttered out, "Y-yeah... but I'm not gonna see you in classes or anything, it's gonna suck balls when you leave, you know? Especially because we're gonna be one good linebacker short... well, the only good linebacker, matter of fact. Ram laughed at the statement, "Shyeah! If it weren't for me, we would've lost like all our games..." the quarterback happily nodding at the response, only to frown once again. Ram took a glimpse at the dirty blonde's dismal expression. Scooting closer to him, he pulled the other boy into a crushing hug.

"Hhng!- D-dude!" the quarterback squealed as he was held into a hug that felt like it broke several of his ribs, Ram felt the rapid patting from Kurt on his back and loosened up his grip giving the quarterback the ability to hug him back. "Ram, man, I don't know about this... are you sure about this new school...?". Ram gave a playful smile, "You sound like I'm going to another country, bro. Calm down. We're still going to hang out. We don't live too far from each other, you know...". Kurt tightened his grip, "It's just that... We've literally never apart from each other at school. So this shit just feels way too new for me. I-I dunno... it's just that I wanted us to hang out a bit more cuz remember elementary? We weren't even in the same class... and that thing happened to you..."

Kurt cleared his throat a bit before continuing.

"Also, there's Mark... dude, you've been protecting me from the bullshit that came from him...". Ram sighed, "Look, Kurt. One of the reasons why I'm on the football team in the first place is to keep you away from assholes from him. Look we're almost 8th graders, if he pulls that shit again, you know not to stoop down to that fag's level. Just like what I always tell you, man. You're stronger when you learn to not pull shit like this... well... unless they're going for a hot girl, then all rules are broken." the linebacker chuckled, giving off a strangely warm tone, Ram sat up and patted the pillow on the leather couch beside the football players. "Here, take a nap, I'll go fix us something to eat.". Kurt groaned as he shifted himself onto the couch and laid his head onto the pillow, "Dude. No offense, but you can't cook for shit...". Ram rolled his eyes at the response, "Then, what about pizza if my cooking is so bad, princess?" Kurt pouted. "Boy, you burnt the last time you cooked, there's a huge difference between being a "picky princess" and preferring to not eat overcooked food.", the quarterback expected Ram to go off on him but instead...

"Hah... I can't stay mad at your little pouty face!" the linebacker chuckled grabbing the quarterback's cheeks, to his surprise. Kurt growled at the movement, "Get your hands off me, man. I'm not up for your faggotry!". Ram just laughed, which made Kurt pout more. "Alright, I'm gonna give them a call, uh... pepperoni? Right?" Ram questioned, pulling his phone out, Kurt didn't say anything and just give a small nod. Without another word, the linebacker disappeared into the kitchen nearby, leaving Kurt alone in the living room. Tiredly, Kurt turned himself, now facing the cushions previously beside him. His thoughts were coursing through his head... But there was one thought that was lingering way too long in his mind.

_Why do I want him to stay so badly? I know he's my best friend but... shit. He's always been there for me..._

_God... this sounds like a 70s high school story..._

_Do I actually...?_

Tap.

Tap.

_Ram must be finished calling the pizza place..._

Tap.

"Argh!- What the...?!"

That was the last word Kurt could've said before liquid began flowing out of his mouth quite rapidly. The quarterback reached for the gap in his lips to find...

Blood.

Nothing but blood.

Kurt's body suddenly jolts up as pain emanates from his chest, the quarterback looks down to see he looks a lot older than before... like he was... a high schooler... and not to mention, a wound near his heart, crimson bleeding out... his left arm was aching like hell, Kurt, frantically looked at it to see...

Cuts... nothing but flesh-wound cuts.

Kurt wanted to throw up. Kurt wanted to scream. Kurt wanted to run.

But everything hurts. It hurt to move. It hurt to talk. It hurt to think.

It hurt to breathe.

The only thing Kurt could do was look around. The once peaceful living room of the Sweeneys was nothing but a black void.

The couch doesn't exist anymore. The quarterback was lying on nothing but darkness. The only thing Kurt could only see. Vision already starting to blur, he looked up to see... 

Nathan.

Jackson.

All of them. All of his football teammates...

Suddenly, one of them kicked the quarterback causing him to roll onto his other side.

He couldn't move, let alone react. They were all smiling, giving the shaggy-haired boy a taunting glare. Then without warning...

  
They all laughed, pointed at him, bombarded him with nothing but insults. "Faggot." "Homo." "Worthless." You name it.

Kurt couldn't do anything about it... the thing he could do was... cry. And so that's what he did as his vision continued to blur out.

Tears were now flowing from his face, mixing with the crimson from the mouth and dripping down to the empty vacuum of darkness.

Then.

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

He heard crying. It wasn't his though. Using the last of his strength, he turned his head to the noise to see a blur of blue and red. Trying to focus on the figure... he managed to see... a girl. She had long brunette hair with brown eyes and a blue button-up blazer...

All ruined by splatters of blood ruining the outfit. Kurt knew that face anywhere... It was...

_...Veronica...?_

Kurt tried to say something... all that came out was... sputtering and crimson. He didn't want to keep talking... it was making him choke violently and restrict his breathing. She was still crying, the quarterback could tell it hurt her to see him like this... Then the brunette reached for something... she put her hands behind her back...

Then... she pulled out a gun.

Kurt's eyes shot wide in surprise, he tried to get up but he slipped and ended up back onto his side. Veronica shook her head and aimed the gun as she began mouthing words that sounded inaudible at first but... eventually, she sobbed.

"Open the door."

*BANG!*

* * *

"Ah!-"

*BANG BANG!*

Kurt jolted up to be awakened from the sleep he was in, his breathing was heavy and fast and his vision was still blurry... however he was still able to see wherever the hell he was, he took a glance around to see that he was still in the storage closet, hunched up in the corner, surrounded by a variety of clutter. He still felt like he was in a panic. He gulped and tried his hardest to slow down his rapid breathing.

Not again...

_Why do I always dream shit like this..._

*BANG BANG!*

Kurt looked up to see that someone was knocking at the door. Taking one more heavy breath, Kurt stood up and wobbled over to the door, vision slowly unblurring. The quarterback gripped onto the steel knob as he turned it and creaked the door open slowly to reveal.

"Kurt...? What are you doing here?" 

Kurt looked up to see a blue blazer, he continued to raise his glance to be met with the hazelnut eyes of...

Veronica Sawyer.

"Kurt? Are you... okay?" Veronica whispered, a sad, sympathetic smile plastered on her face. Kurt didn't respond at all. To Veronica's surprise, he pushed the brunette out of the way without another word. Before he could take another step, Veronica caught with him and shook his shoulder. "Kurt, please talk to me. I know what I di-". Kurt cut her off, "Why the fuck should I speak to you? You and your psychopathic boyfriend are both the reason I'm here." he growled, giving Veronica a threatening glare, sending her a message not to push. She didn't get it, however.

"Kurt, I seriously just want to-"

"Can you leave me the hell alone?!"

...

Silence... Kurt turned away from Veronica hoping that she would get the message and leave.

Tap.

Tap.

_Wait... I heard that before..._ He heard a sound of clicking against the floor, which he can assume it is the brunette's footsteps, he waited... and waited... and waited... until the sound of her flats hitting the floor fade away, Kurt sighed and turned around to see that Veronica had left.

"Urgh..." Kurt placed his free hand on his head and gripped it tightly... "Agh... fuck... my head." Kurt groaned tensing his grip on his head, it hurt like hell... _I shouldn't have slept in a goddamn supply closet of all places... I shouldn't have slept at all, for that matter..._

Kurt stumbled and tiredly approached one of the school's doors that led outside. He doesn't skip classes often, but for this situation, he couldn't give two shits. In one small breath, the quarterback pushed open the door and took a step outside, taking in on the scenery outside. Believe it or not, Kurt loved the outdoors, breathing in the fresh air. It was a way for him to get away from the problems he had to endure every single day. It was like alcohol but much healthier. Recently, Kurt relied on alcohol and developed a huge dependency on it, Ram drank it mostly just for fun, Kurt used it do it for the same reason but now he kept drinking alcohol to cope with the... recent, tragic events with his mother. So much Ram had to hide bottles away from him.

The quarterback had been drinking for so long that he forgot he had another way to calm down and relieve himself from the problems of the world, just going outside. Just stopping to smell the flowers... stepping around in the mulch... **trying to climb the fence** **.**

_No- stop it, don't think about it, big guy._

Kurt slumped on the school's stairs in front of the school's entrance and looked up at the sky, staring at clouds. His head was pounding in agony and he didn't want to head back to class for obvious reasons. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes trying to take his mind off everything.

It felt so peaceful...

...

"Kurtiipie!!"

Oh no.

_Oh no..._

_Only one person in the whole school calls me that._

*SLAM!*

"Dah! Holy shit!" 

...

"Hey, dude. I almost didn't recognize you! What's my sad "whittle" quarterback doing here?"

"...Mac? What are *you* doing here? You rarely ever skip for shit... what's the occasion?"

The quarterback looked up to see a blonde, long-haired girl who known as...

Heather McNamara.

"Well... I had one of those moments... I was gonna go to the mall with Ronnie to help calm me down, she's not a bad person to talk to all, really.."

_What the fuck do you mean? She tried to kill Ram and me! She's is a bad person._

_She's a fucking psychopathic bitch!_

...

...That what Kurt wanted to say... _badly_... However, Kurt remained silent, mostly because of the mention of... **her.** Heather's cheery grin softened into a concerned stare and sat down right next to the boy.

"Are you okay? You've only come back for a day... I haven't really seen you since you left the hospital... which is is everything okay?"

...

"H-hey! What are you-?!" Kurt yelped as the tall cheerleader pulled him into a hug...

"Have you been... crying...? Is it because of... what you and Ram did...? The... *ahem* suicide?" Those words practically made Kurt's head and heartache at the same time. Heather turned to take a glimpse at the reddish face of the quarterback and the dry tears plastered on it.

Kurt was struggling to say a single word. He wanted to say that he didn't commit suicide at all, that it was all bullshit... but all that comes out was incoherent stutters.

Heather sighed, "You know, the reason... why I broke up with you?"

After seconds of struggling to speak, Kurt whined out a small, "Why...?", making the cheerleader feel worse for bringing the topic up in the first place.

"...Well, it's not because of that note at all really..." Heather sighed, Kurt's head perked up as the blonde kept speaking, "It's really cuz... I really didn't see you as... a boyfriend..."

"I-it's not because I'm unhappy, not at all! You really made me happy! My last boyfriend was a massive douche... but now I really don't feel like I should be dating any guys at all... let alone, sleeping with them... I really don't know why... it's just that I feel like I'm missing something when I date... dudes..."

Heather stuttered saying those last few words before dissolving into dreadful silence and separating the hug with the quarterback. Kurt, in a slightly better condition, snickered, snorting a small, "Dyke!", making Heather puff up and push him... making the quarterback slide back nearly hitting the stair handle.

"Shut up, f-boy!" Heather said in a chortle making Kurt join along with a laugh. Finally, the laughing died down.

"So, are we set for being team friendship?" Heather smiled at him with massive amounts of glee. 

Kurt smiled back.

"Yeah, why the hell not?"

One thing led to another... and somehow, Kurt is now in Heather Chandler's Porsche, with Heather Mac driving... with Veronica right next to him. It was unsettling, to say the least when the person who tried to kill the quarterback was sitting right him. Kurt doesn't know how Heather Mac managed to even get the keys to Heather Chandler's car. But when Kurt asked, Mac gave Veronica a look, in which she smiled.

Next thing the quarterback knew, he was at the mall, sitting at the fountain which was right in the core of the plaza while Heather and Veronica ventured around. Seeing Veronica made Kurt's stomach twist, it shouldn't be surprising, he told his would-be killer to fuck off. Ignoring the twisting, Kurt felt his stomach growling as well. 

_Oh right. I didn't eat since yesterday..._

Kurt was so distracted about what was recently happening that he forgot to fulfill one of the most basic human needs. Eating.

Pulling out his phone, the quarterback decided to text Heather.

-💛💛Heather McNamara💛💛-

1:12 P.M.

Kurt: Big Mac I wanna big mac!

1:13 P.M.

Heather Mac: Kurt I thought we were just gonna be friends??

Kurt: No not that I want a big mac!

Heather Mac: Oh. u just wanna eat.

Hold on Im at checkout w Ronnie. be there soon

1:14 P.M.

Kurt: Pls Im dying!! ;<

N not for pussi

💛💛Heather Mac💛💛 is offline.

About a solid 10 minutes later, and a bunch of hungry groaning from the quarterback, Heather and Veronica came to his rescue and they all headed for the cafeteria. On the way there, Veronica kept giving the quarterback glances like she wanted to speak with him, Kurt ignored them all... mostly because he felt like he was about the fall over due to hunger, but also... he really didn't want to even recognize her. Kurt slumped down onto the first chair he saw, Veronica sitting right next to him with Heather sitting across the table. Kurt tried to shift away from the brunette and even asked Heather to sit next to her, but he ended up having to deal with it. 

Everything was fine, until what Heather and Veronica said...

"Okay, random question. Do you guys think there's Thanksgiving in Africa?"

"Yup, Pilgrims, Indians... tater...tots... It's a real party continent. I had a friend from another school say they lived there, the number of times they got bit in their ass was more than the days they've been on eart-"

...No, not that.

"I'm gonna go get us some food, do you guys want something?"

"Big Mac, don-"

"Yes! Get me pizza and beer!" Veronica screamed, interjecting Kurt's plead. "There's no beer, Ronnie. But I can get some pizza! Kurt? What about you?" Heather asked him, he was having trouble getting his words out, trying to say not to leave him alone with Veronica and saying he wants pizza too, Heather took his silence as a yes and left. Leaving the quarterback with the brunette despite his silent begging.

...

...

...

It was only a few seconds but it felt like half the day went by. 

...

"So... are we gonna talk about this or are you gonna keep being a massive asshole and keep ignoring me," Veronica questioned. It took a while for the quarterback to acknowledge Veronica's existence but eventually responded with a sneer. "What the hell do I even need to say? I forgive you for trying to plunge a goddamn bullet in my chest?" He then changed his tone in a very sarcastic tone. "Let's be the bestest fucking friends in the world even though you wanted me 6 feet under!".

"Look, I know this might seem bad-"

"Might?Might?! Ahahaha!" Kurt interrupted, laughing like a maniac, his laugh died down and his tone changed into a silent one, trying not to get the attention of the crowds passing by their table. All of a sudden, the quarterback grabbed Veronica's shoulder and pulled her closer, enough that her ear was close to the dirty blonde's lips. "Ram's in the hospital because of the shit your "boyfriend" and you dropped on our goddamn heads. You're lucky that he's able to even breathe! I don't want him to even know about that bullshitery you call a "suicide note"." Kurt growled through his teeth, giving the brunette girl one of the most threatening death stares she has gotten from anyone. She didn't feel threatened, however... she looked more... guilty. Kurt let go of Veronica letting her let out whatever she was about to say.

"Kurt... please let me just say this... you and Ram are not the only ones who were screwed by that asshole. I split ways with him because he always went back on his word. I thought he was some cool guy rebel... turns out he was actually "mental asylum" psycho."

Kurt leaned down, placing his arms onto the table in front of him. "Yeah, no kidding, goddamn," Kurt mumbled, rolling his eyes in annoyance. Ignoring the comment, Veronica continued.

"He made me do this, remember what you did to me and him the day before? I was in a whole tear fest because of what you did," she said raising her voice, yet it was shaky, it made Kurt feel... bad. Kurt remembered what happened that day... before he got shot... Ram, a prep, and he all ganged up on J.D and started beating him to the floor, calling him all variety of insults... Kurt himself didn't feel it was right... but something about J.D just ticked him off so badly that he let his opinions get ahead of him... he felt like it was really... his fault? He did spread that rumor about Veronica sucking off him and Ram... that was because it felt... right. He just wanted to feel like his old quarterback asshole persona again... now he's dealing with Veronica had with back then... except much worse. The brunette wasn't finished talking. " Now... I really care about it now... All I want is for us to move past this... please."

Kurt shook his head. "Why do you want me to friends with you so badly?

"Because you're all alone this year now. I noticed no one was talking to you."

"I'm not a goddamn loner, I have my guys and al-"

"You mean the ones who stuffed notes saying that you were craving their dicks and showed your picture of Ram to the entire class."

"I don't fucking like him!" Kurt gave up his quiet voice and cried out, alerting people around him in the food court. Some people giggled at the statement and others just shook their heads. The quarterback slammed his head into his arms which were basically stuck on the table and kept repeating the phrase, "I don't like him." in quiet whispers, the brunette giving him a concerned glance.

Giving a deep sigh, Kurt lifted his head from the table and turned to Veronica. "How the hell do you even know about that?" the quarterback softly questioned. "I was in the crowd when you tried to choke that guy... Nathan...? I think? My friend, Betty texted me that she felt bad for letting that thing happen with you." Veronica simply replied, pulling out her phone which showed a recent convo between a girl named Betty Finn and Veronica. Kurt was a little startled, mostly because the girl in his AP class was her friend.

Completely letting go of his rude and caddy act, he slouched down, tired, and stomach growling in extreme hunger. Veronica sighed, "Look, we can not be friends for all I care, that's not something I'm asking, I just want us not to treat each other like we're mortal enemies. Like Superman and Lex Luther... that's all I just want to do. Please." Kurt gave a long sigh. "Haaaaaaaah... Fine. We can... just let it slide for now...". 

Veronica happily relaxed onto her seat. "Thank you." as out of nowhere she pulled Kurt into a hug, surprising the boy. _What's with people pulling me into hugs? Am I that much of a goddamn teddy bear?_

Kurt felt bad for what he did to Veronica lately, begrudgingly he grew into the hug and returned it.

"Also, I wanna tell you something... You know how I got the keys to Heather's Porsche?"

"...How?"

Veronica only replied with a smirk, gesturing to the phone in her hand as Heather came back with an enormous box of pizza and drinks as the brunette and quarterback broke their short hug. 

"I gots the pizza here! Yoink!"

"Hey! Heather!", Veronica screamed as Heather swiftly snatched her phone away from her. 

  
The rest of the time was spent with trio just talking, Kurt wasn't speaking that much... but it was at least an improvement trying to talk since what recently happened.

Kurt checked the time.

2:21 P.M...

Classes are about to end. It would be weird to disappear before the day ends, so Kurt suggested for them to return... people would assume he was a big sissy... especially because of what happened this morning...

Right, when they were about to leave, Kurt felt a tug on his shirt, turning around, he saw Veronica and Heather who had stopped him all of the sudden near the mall's exit.

"Hey, Kurt. One more thing before we head back."

"Yea? What's up?"

"Ronnie said she was gonna watch me during cheerleader practice, wanna come along?"

"..."

"...I don't have a choice here, do I...?"

"Nope!" Heather said with a smile that didn't even change.

"Of fucking course..." Kurt sighed leaning against the glass wall next to the exit.

"Hey, cheer up, dude. On the bright side, you won't see those football assholes... we got the football field for today!"

...

Kurt gave a small sigh in defeat, "Yea, I guess you're right..." he whispered as they left the mall, Kurt took in another breather as he admired the outside of the mall's entrance. Soon enough, they were in Heather's Porsche again, and they were heading straight back to Westerburg High once again.

* * *

Welp, Kurt didn't expect to be here right now, but here he was in the school's football field watching the practice go on. He was sitting on the bleachers, ignoring the whole practice go down. Usually, when they had free time, Ram and Kurt would go sit on the bleachers on the same spot he was sitting on to admire the tricks the cheerleaders made, sometimes laugh when they fail it was all a good time... Sometimes, Kurt honestly barely focused on the cheerleaders... instead he... looked at...

...Ram...

Kurt felt his face heat up a bit from coming to that realization but immediately shook it off... _N-no! Stop it! Don't think of your own best friend like that, goddammit...!_

"Kurt, hun? How's it hanging?", said a familiar voice that was suddenly close to Kurt's being, surprising him a bit. The quarterback took seeing a red rolled-up shirt and shorts and almost immediately recognized the figure in front. "Heather? What's your ass doing here?" Kurt sneered, projecting the sentence a bit more aggressively than he meant it to be. Heather simply sat down right next to him and began speaking, "I should be asking that question to you... So... reasons why *you're* here with Heather and Ronnie...?". Kurt slumped back as he mumbled, "Nathan and the assholes..." hoping that Heather wouldn't hear that, unfortunately...

"Aw... did that notes in the lockers thing get to you?" Heather chuckled, only for the quarterback to turn to the blonde in surprise. "H-how did you-" Heather cut him off before he could even finish the question.

"How would the "demon queen of high school" not know?"

_...Good point._

Kurt groaned as he leaned his head to the side so that it was now on Heather's lap. Heather scoffed and patted his head, twirling the curls of the quarterback's shaggy hair. "Kurt, hun, I get you don't want to talk about this stuff, remember this wasn't the first time Nathan and the guys did shit like this-".

She was cut off as Kurt gave her a rebuttal.

"They didn't bully a guy who "committed suicide" with his best friend because they had "gay, forbidden love".", Kurt growled as Heather kept curling his hair, trying to give him the idea of her braiding it. After that, the whole conversation had gone silent, the only thing that could be heard was the shouts and yells coming from the cheerleader team as they practiced. Then Heather spoke up again, this time saying something Kurt did not expect at all...

"Here, I have an idea. Why don't we pretend to date so you can get them off their back."

"W-what?!". Kurt said as he jolted his head up from Heather's lap, voice cracking in an embarrassingly high-pitched squeal. Heather continued to speak, ignoring the quarterback's shriek. "Nah, I'm just messing with you. No, just hang out with us, we'll make sure those assholes take one step closer to you." Kurt sighing in relief as he nodded silently and Heather gave back a small grin. "Alright, done deal. Meet me in the back of the school in an hour, okay?" Heather asked as the shaggy-haired jock once again tiredly nodded.

* * *

The next hour wasn't very special, all Kurt did was say goodbye to go into the school building to pee... but he didn't expect this. When he was heading inside, he was stopped by a weirdly-dressed hippie... oh wait... no... Ms. Fleming. "Kurt Kelly!"

"Oh shi-!" The scream caught the quarterback off guard causing him to jump back, nearly hitting his head on the brick wall that was not far behind him. "Are you currently busy at this moment?" Ms. Fleming questioned, asking it very directly, making the jock stuttering a bit due to the sudden appearance of the counselor. "U-uh... no... but..." She cut him off. "Good! Amazing! Follow me!" Ms. Fleming said, grabbing Kurt's arm without him saying another word. Where was she taking him?

Then, Ms. Fleming dragged him straight into one of the bigger parts of the hallway, that was... filled with... students, Kurt's face turned pale. _Oh god no._ The last thing he wants to encounter is a crowd of people... especially the same crowd who has laughed at him earlier today in the hall. Kurt tried to move and leave but so many eyes that were originally on Ms. Fleming were all now on him. Some of them are begging for their person to start spewing insults at the quarterback, he never really felt this emotion before since...

Then she spoke up.

"Attention, students!", the students were still looking at him, some whispering to each other. Kurt heard some of the chatter for a bit, picking up a few words like, "fag"... _of course._ , "Queer boy"... _seriously?_ , "blondie bottom" _...how creative..._ and much more that made Kurt want to sink into the disgustingly stained tiled floor. Some were asking why Ms. Fleming didn't have any camera crowd with her since it was recently now exposed online that she had tried to expose teenagers and their emotions during an assembly that had happened earlier on in the year.

"SILENCE, WESTERBURG!"

The sudden yelling from the hippie counselor made Kurt jump a bit. _Chill... goddamn._

Fortunately, the whispering and mutters from the students died down as she cleared her throat, getting ready for what Kurt can assume is some long bullshit speech. 

"Now, Westerburg. We have received comments from students that recently we had peers who had attempted the biggest choice a teenager like all of you make... and that sacred word is."

"Spit it out already, eyebags!"

"That's not the only that's baggy." said a random prep from the crowd pointing at Ms. Fleming's-

"...Suicide." Ms. Fleming stated in a much more serious tone making some students, especially the nerds and goths pay more attention to her.

"Now, we had students commit it and fortunately they had managed to survive it all. Take Heather Chandler, for example, she tried to take her life because people wouldn't try to express with her and not to see her like she was some sort of... goddess", Kurt glanced to her and to the crowd, as some of them had already pulled out their phones hearing the two words that school tended to honor, Ms. Fleming continued her speech, ignoring the number of phones pointing at her with the flashlight right on her. Then, Kurt felt two hands placed right his shoulders, he turned to his right to see that they clearly belonged to the counselor, not prying an eye away from the horde, she yet again continued her talking. "Also, take Kurt Kelly and Ram Sweeney for example too. They tried to commit suicide because of people not accepting them because they had... feelings for each other.". Kurt looked away from her, but in doing so, he felt his face heating up as a small blush had slowly crept upon his cheeks. _Wait. No. nonono. Stop it. People are looking, dammit!_

Too late. 

The crowd had noticed.

Some had "ooh" 'd after hearing it, forgetting the fact that they clearly weren't elementary schoolers. The chatter had started up again until someone in the front yelled. 

"CORRECTION, THEY HAD GAY FORBBIDEN LOVE FOR EACH OTHER-"

"Shut up, Jackson! You are asking for your 5th detention this month! We're not even done with the first week!", that statement made the crowd burst out in laughter as the jock who had called the quarterback out try to hide in with the horde. _Fucking serves him right..._

"Look, everyone. Please we're not here to judge anyone for who they really are. In fact, here. Everyone, please take this." said Ms. Fleming as she gave students flashlights, and soon enough, everyone had one. She started to speak again, "We're going to express everyone's feelings so we can see who everyone really is, graduation is peeking right over the corner and some of us are damn well more than excited to this place a few of you call a "hellhole", but before we do that, we're going to use this assembly to show everyone that they must accept each other for who they are and that suicide is not one sure goddamn way to do it."

  
"Now." Ms. Fleming turns on her flashlight as the school lights dim a bit. "Let's begin."

* * *

"Rough day?" Heather said leaning against the brick wall behind her. "You have no damn idea... that assembly might've not sucked ass... which is a weird thing for me to say but it was so fucking tiring on my legs," Kurt complained, receiving a small chuckle from the blonde. "You could've skipped it... but you enjoyed so... eh." Heather said, shrugging a bit as she took a sip from the Mountain Dew that was in the limited edition, "Code Red" in her hand, and a bite from the nutty chocolate bar in the other. "Anyways, so what's the news, recently?" Kurt asked, silently gesturing at Heather's chocolate bar asking for a bite, he had a big meal this afternoon but it still didn't feel like it was enough, Heather rolled her eyes but gave in and handed him the bar as she began to reply. "Well, I saw another nerd get beaten up in the corner by a few soccer jocks, I noticed some dude make out with some geek with some huge-ass headphones on the school stairs while he was sitting on that headphone kid's lap... I honestly don't think they even go to this school, Uhm... and Ronnie sent me something in my texts... and it ended with me giving my Porshe away to her for this afternoon..."

Kurt heard it all and raised his brow a bit, wiping off the small of melted chocolate smeared on his bottom lip, that was the vaguest and gayest lines of gossip he had ever heard in this school... and he was a senior. Heather spent a few, looking as if she had something that was right on the tip of her tongue that she badly wanted to say but just couldn't find the right words.

Finally...

"Ah-! Right! Ram Sweeney had recovered from the hospital, he posted online that he's going to throw some sort of big ass party next Saturday."

Wait...

"What?!", Kurt yelled, light in his eyes starting to gleam hearing that name. Frantically, he pulled out his phone and opened an app seeing a post on his timeline and caught his eye on a top post on his.

* * *

_-Ram-Sweeney_

_hey everyone. I finally got that goddamn bitch on my neck healed, Im coming back to school next Monday, yall better have ur asses ready, cuz parents will be out of town next Saturday and the biggest fucking is what ill be throwing. get the fuck redy!_

_[57 Likes] [8 reposts]_

_[Posted: 1 hour ago]_

_View 2 comments_

* * *

What?

_What?_

"What?!" Kurt loudly yelled once again but much louder, fortunately, nobody could hear him as he and Heather were in one of the most secluded parts of the school. Heather chuckled, "Yeah, he was discharged from the hospital recently and he said he was back in business." Kurt just sat there, mouth agape. Wanting to break the awkward silence that Heather had created, she snatched the chocolate bar right out of Kurt's hands that were practically stuck like stone and added, "Why don't you go talk to him, he's safe at home, he kept texting me and complaining like he was a goddamn virgin on a 10 AM Saturday." Kurt scoffed at Heather's small comment. Soon enough, he was already outside the school heading straight towards Ram's house. Ram doesn't live far away from Kurt at all. It was like a 4-minute walk between each other's homes, that's why hangouts between them are often.

Kurt saw the familiar weird white-bearded gnome with a point, custom-made and sitting on the front porch and he could easily assume it was Ram's house... or that someone stole it... and has the same house as Ram. _Okay, enough overthinking, Kurt._ He quietly thought to himself as he approached the door and rang the doorbell beside it. Footsteps were immediately heard after and the person who opened the door was none other than.

"Heeyyy! Kurt! How's it hanging?!" an old wrinkly man belted out... wait, no- it's just Bill. Kurt brushed off the weird-ass introduction and with a small, "Fine.". Knowing Kurt, Bill could easily assume why he's at their home at this hour. "Here for Ram? He's upstairs, he's on a few pain meds but he's doing alright... certainly well after the hospital." Bill stated, walking over to the kitchen. "Cool. Thanks." the quarterback coldly responded, he hasn't really talked to Bill since... that talk but he feels as if it's better not to bring any of it up or say anything that might make him bring it up.

  
Nope. Right as Kurt headed for the stairs, Bill stopped him dead in his tracks, giving him a pat on his head, making the quarterback mutter a small growl as he spoke. "Hey, I just want to say something. I'm willing to accept you for who you really are, man. If you're gay, I'm not stopping you from being gay. I'm just proud and I'll support you, no matter what." 

_I'm not gay! For the last fucking time!_

Again, It's what he wanted to say but he was already tired from school to put up with him. Bill held out his arms, with a sincere smile, gesturing for a hug. Kurt rolled his eyes but gave in and returned it. If Kurt had to be honest... the unrequited support actually felt... cool.

"Alright, thanks. See ya." 

Kurt stumbled upstairs and eventually found the room belonging to the one and only, Ram Sweeney. Giving a small breath, he slowly opened the door to see...

"Ram...?"

A voice responded from the other side of the room, voice a little deep and bored but it was there.

"Yea...? What's up?"

Kurt moved across the room, stepping around the small football star toys and game controllers and eventually reached the bed next to the window, revealing the linebacker, face tired but happy to say the least. He didn't show any sort of injury on his body, in fact, he looked like the perfect image of health... unlike Kurt who had a much worse recovery. "Nothing much, how was the hospital?" Kurt simply asked. "Well, on the way back, Pops and I stopped by a local Wendy's, and let me tell you, I felt like I was missing something I was longing for a long time." Ram took a breath as he sat up from his bed, finishing with, "Good. Fucking. Food.", the response made Kurt laugh a bit but then it died down fast. Ram looked at the shaggy-haired jock, a concerned look plastered on his face. "Hey, have you been doing alright since I last saw you, really, you seem like you haven't eaten shit in a century. You alright?". Kurt took a quick glance at himself, he was a bit thinner, it was noticeable, really. "I-I'm fine. It's just that really don't feel... like... me...? I just don't feel the same after what happened...".

All of a sudden, Kurt felt his hand being pulled, in surprise, he turned to see that Ram had jumped up from the bed and was now pulling him outside the room, once Kurt was in the hallway, the linebacker slammed the door shut, leaving the quarterback in confusion, did he not want to see him? Kurt sighed and turned to leave but then the door had opened up not too long after it was shut, revealing...

"We're getting some chili fries, you down?", the linebacker asked, he was wearing a red hoodie, zipped open with a gray tank-top inside, and a pair of grey red-striped jeans...

_Damn. Dayyuumm..._

Kurt's face immediately went red, what was he wearing? And why does it look so...

"Hey. Dude. My eyes are up here." Ram waved, making the shorter jock look at him with a surprised expression. Ram chuckled a bit, oblivious as to why Kurt was staring. "What? Surprised? I don't wear this thing often, so... why not?", Ram gave a small laugh before walking past the other and heading down the stairs, gesturing for Kurt to come with him. Kurt followed along.

* * *

It's was so peaceful outside, especially since it's dark. Fireflies were swarming around the two as they both sat in front of the Kellys' residence, crickets were singing and the stars looked... beautiful... but that wasn't what Kurt was really focused on right now... what was he really focused on was... Ram... he looked... amazing. 

_Wait, no...! Stop it, what the fuck?!_

"So, remember. Next Saturday, man?"

Ram invaded his thoughts with that statement pulling the quarterback from his thinking making him look up at the linebacker directly. 

"Yeah. See you soon, dude."

Kurt saw the linebacker give a bright smile, it was... warm and it drew the quarterback nearly insane... why did Ram keep making him feel like this...? It couldn't be... could it? Kurt responded with a small sincere grin, he didn't feel this happy since what happened recently. "You too.", the taller jock simply replied as he got into his car, giving Kurt a small wave before driving off, leaving the quarterback in his driveway.

Kurt gave a sigh and checked his phone, the time was... 12:18 AM.

Wait... how long were they out?!

Shaking those thoughts, Kurt creaked open the front door, being welcomed by the darkness of the house. _Dad's not here. Right. Night shift._

Kurt sighed and went upstairs, inside his room, and took off his letterman jacket. Not even bothering to turn on the lights or at least change his clothes, Kurt collapsed onto his bed, jumping a bit from the bed pushing him back up a bit, he just felt so tired, and it has been a very. fucking. long day.

The quarterback was stuck in thought for a bit, _Why is Ram throwing a party on next Saturday night? Why is Ram being so... fine with this? Why doesn't he know about the note? Why? Why? Why?_

He felt his vision blurring up as his breathing started becoming fainter and fainter. One more thought dared to cross his mind before his mind went down and he fell into sleep.

_Why do I..._ _lov-..._

* * *

Kurt felt way too tipsy... maybe those last few shots were a bad decision.

  
"Hrgh... agh..."

Okay, it was a horrible decision.

Kurt lied down on his couch taking a glance at the ceiling, his head hurts and he felt like he wanted to vomit. Next thing he knew... Ram approached him, "Heyyy, mon. Do ya wanna ead' back to your rum...?

God, Ram seemed like he drank a lot more than him, doing pot made it worse. "Raaamm..." Kurt groaned holding onto Ram's arms as he helped him up. Kurt felt himself being lifted off the ground, he came to see Ram's back and neck... and he looked up to see that Ram was carrying him, Kurt kept trying to get his attention but the linebacker remained silent.

Kurt was practically thrown onto his bed. Ram whispered a small "Sorry." as he sat along with him. Kurt sat up leaning against the headboard, giving out small moans of complaining to the linebacker making him sigh a bit. The silence was killing him... figuratively. Suddenly, Kurt was pulled towards Ram without warning. And next thing that happened, he was now sitting on the linebacker's lap.   
  


It was silent... again, the only thing Kurt could hear was the booming music playing outside his bedroom. 

Then...

"Ah-! R-ram?! T-the hell is you..."

"Shh..."

Ram pressed a finger against the quarterback's lips, forcing them shut. Returning his hand to where his other was... Kurt's shoulders. "You really seemed stressed and I really wanna help out," Ram whispered, voice now lowered as he shifted his hands lower and pressed them against the shorter jock's back, making Kurt elicit a small moan. "R-Ram... w-wha...?", Ram ignored the quarterback's muttering as he raised his hands so that they were now on the shorter jock's shoulders. "Quiet...", the linebacker commanded, drunken slur no longer present.

Dear God... _dear god... that. was. fucking. hot._

The friction and force of Ram's hands pressing against the quarterback was amazing. Kurt covered his mouth trying his hardest not belt out another moan, but then...

"Ack- Hnng!~ R-Ram..."

Kurt felt Ram press the bridge of his nose onto the quarterback's neck, slowly nuzzling against it. "You like that?", he could feel the taller jock's hot breath as he was holding the shaggy-haired boy down on his lap. Kurt could only give a simple nod. This whole moment was too much to take in, his best friend literally seducing him while the quarterback was sitting on his lap? This could be considered a lot of things really... except for straight. There was no heterosexual explanation for this... Kurt, still in a breathy and aroused state, took a glance at the door to see that it was unlocked. _Shit. If anyone were to see us. We'll be scr-_

  
"Ahn!- Ra-Ram!", the shorter jock silently yelled, trying his best not to alert anyone outside the room, why was Ram doing this? Was he way too drunk for his own good, was he high off his ass, or-

Kurt belted out a low moan as Ram pressed his lips against his neck, still giving messages to the shorter jock's shoulders and back. _Oh my god... this guy is gonna be the death of me._

Ram continued to kiss the side of the quarterback's neck, sucking on the skin, causing small hickeys to form. Kurt gave a small growl in response. This felt awesome, Kurt wanted him to kiss him more, to keep going, but... it just felt... wrong... if anyone to were to see them like this then their reputation would be ruined... 

"Ahn!~

"Hmm... feels good?"

Ram lowered his head so it was now on the quarterback's upper back, still sucking, hickeys now more and more. Kurt could only respond with a small nod.

"Wanna keep going?"

Kurt's nodded again, only more aggressively.

Without another word, Ram gently placed the quarterback onto the pillows on the bed as he leaned forward, grabbing the shorter jock's arms and pinning them onto the headboard of the bed with arms that could be considered were... _so fucking well built..._

Kurt uttered out another breathy moan as the linebacker dragged his knee towards the quarterback's crotch making him elicit another semi-loud groan.

"R-ram...~"

"Well. Let's keep going."

* * *

Kurt sprung up from his bed. Breathing now heavy and his hair messed up and looked down on his shorts to notice a damp, wet spot soaking it... it only took him a second to realize what that was... and what he just did...

He just had a wet dream of his best friend...

He was gay for him... he was a fag for Ram Sweeney...

_Shit..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW, WHERE WAS I WITH THIS CHAPTER?!
> 
> Hey! ZuWrites here! Since the pandemic had forced the majority of the world population in their houses, that meant I had more time at home! So I had more time to further this story but I sorta procrastinated. Really procrastinated... '∧'. Anyways, I'll see you guys in the next chapter! Thank you all so much for 50 kudos! The next chapter may release next month since it's a big plot twist for the story. I love you, guys! Have an awesome day/night! Stay safe and comfortable at home during this weird time and I'll see you next time, ZuWrites signing out!
> 
> Also, alternate titles: Kurt's contracted the gay. Kurt's internal fight between the big sad and big gay. Betty makes an entrance!...oh and there's Veronica too. (Btw Im making bmc fanfics too soon...), I tried way too hard with this chapter and im just tired. ;(, shit will get real soon, I promise... ;D


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